Monday, May 31, 2010

Earlier This Evening in the City of Central...

Chillin at Caliente in Central. Me and a frozen strawberry margarita… and to my friend who is, right now, diligently stirring her pot of spaghetti I say… BOO!! Husbands can cook spaghetti. I’d bet $5 on that. Haha

Tonight, tonight, tonight… I am going to visit my family of origin. Which includes my sister, who has been in Tanzania off and on for the last year or two. And my brother, who turned 27 today I believe… I mean, I know today is his birthday. I’m a little iffy on the 27-ness of the occasion. He was born in 1983. Wise man say, never mix math with margarita. Hahaha

They… yeah I started that sentence with “they” then was temporarily suspended in text messaging world and have forgotten what they was all about.

My sister. Wow. Not so keen on that concept. I love her and all. I do. But she hates the lesbian-ness of me and makes that more than plain when the topic comes up. Plus if she senses that I have ingested alcohol… yeahhh… I will be hanging close to the nephews tonight. :o) They’re low to the ground…

I love my C! Can’t wait to see her tonight. Climb in bed and get some sweet kisses before burrowing down beside her and drifting into a sweet, sweet sleep. Love is wonderful.

Thursday, May 27, 2010

Blah I feel today. It's like life has this awful habit of balancing out at zero. Good things happen, but bad things seem to accompany them and drag my state of mind right back down. At least I have the good things, though... otherwise life might just be a little too overwhelming.

I swear, one thing I hate about life is that everything seems to revolve around money. You have to have a job... so you can pay MONEY... rent, utilities , vehicle , food... and if you make any mistakes in this world, you pay for it with MONEY... therefore you no longer have ENOUGH money to pay for rent, utilities, vehicle, food... then if you lose your job, you don't have money coming IN to pay OUT... and the big "THEY" want to take away your home, utilities, vehicle, food... it's so shitty... you can't even file a contest against a civil claim unless you have MONEY to pay a fee... even justice costs. MONEY.

That is a very depressing concept. I could go on and on because this is huge on my mind along with a load of other things, but I will try to find something else to occupy my mind with.

I got a job this morning... but it's far, far from my house and is going to cost me so much in gas , I could still be broke as a poke. But at least I will break even if I'm careful with my funds.

See? That's what I mean. I have a job!! ...but it will cost me more than it's worth to make the commute.

Whatever. Caring takes too much energy. I will just do this life stuff one day at a time. That's a little more manageable................

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

After the Rain

I am sitting in the Red Star. No internet here; I will post this later. Or tomorrow. I am so tired it’s ridiculous. It was raining so hard earlier, I decided to stop here and wait it out so that it was safer to drive. But it is not raining here and the ground is not even wet. Watch it start raining on me when I start home. Ha

I have had the longest day, most of which was unproductive. I have officially been deemed “treatable” by my friendly local funny farm… Strange how some levels of acceptance just don’t really do much for my self esteem. Then I went to my read doctor to get the other medicine I needed, then visited my mom, then stopped by my friend’s work and visited her for awhile. Very dear friend from long ago… it was a good visit. We talked about life and how to deal with it. Very cool friend and I wish we spent more time together. She’s weird but cool enough that I can tell her that and she knows I’m serious and it’s still ok. hahaha

Luna is home surely needing to pee but she will be ok. I know this because every time I let her out her first action is not to run and pee but to run over to the shed where I believe there are baby kittens inside and sniff around. I have to insist she pee, which she eventually does,

Funny how spending all morning talking about depression makes you… depressed. Haha

There’s a guy in here whose favorite word is the F word. It is his favorite adjective, verb and noun. I want to go punch him in the face and tell him to shut the FUCK up. But that would be no fucking fun because I probably will apologize afterward. I swear, he has said fuck at least 10 times just while I’ve been typing this paragraph.

Half a Michelob Light to go and I will burn outta here… okay I will drive cautiously and carefully outta here… I am so tired. Carrie was also very tired this morning. I hope she still is. It would be nothing short of perfectly beautiful to lay down with her in bed and watch some tv or something, relaxing and going to sleep. She’s awesome that way.

Earlier I had intentions of going to the LSU Lake and walking or jogging or something… then it started raining… but why rehash that. I am so glad I don’t work with that woman I used to work with. I pray I will find another job soon. I have not yet begun to despair; you never know what the next day will bring.

Plus I get a paycheck tomorrow. It’s almost like I’ve been on vacation sort of. But I don’t want just a paycheck with no job. Neither do I want a job with no vacation. My goal… dream… whatever… is to have a permanent job that I like, and have a real no-shittin vacation and get paid while I am on that vacation.

I started a new class this week called Operations Management in Health Care. Hoping this will be interesting. I have printed the first 2 chapters I need to read so that I might read them at my leisure, wherever I end up. Which is what I was going to do in here, but I changed my mind. I wanted to write. To write, and pretend I was talking to someone who was actually interested in all this crap I have to say. And who never interrupted. HA HA

I bet it would be hella-funny to strap a shock therapy device to Mr. Fuck over there… it would shock him every time he said the F word and I would LAUGH!!! I wonder how long it would take for that negative reinforcement to work on him… bwaa haa ha…

I want to talk with my friend Sarah in Utah but I don’t feel like holding the phone. I also want to talk to my friend Melanie and my friend Karen but… same issue.

Few more sips and I will go home and talk to my C and just hold HER. That sounds like a plan to me. :o)

Friday, May 14, 2010

Kansas, STYX & Foreigner

Worked the concert last night. I got to work the arena this time and I'm glad - I liked the show. First Kansas played about an hour. They were alright; nothing explosive and though they are a long-standing classic rock band, they really fit the bill for an opening act. Just sayin'. I did really like watching (David Ragsdale??) play the violin. Very cool the way they did something not so common like intertwining a classical instrument into their classic rock.

Next up was STYX. WOW, they were great! They played hard and got the crowd going and even had an encore that I was glad for... usually I get irritated when artists do an "encore" - it all seems so fake, like they're walking to their dressing rooms and they say, "Aw hell, they must really like our stuff! Let's go play another song or two! C'mon, it'll be fun!" It is PLANNED; it is a part of their show plan. I usually think, just stay out there and play the stupid songs instead of doing all this drama crap. BUT all that to say, I was glad when Styx surprised with an encors because they weren't the end act of the show. I was actually bummed when they first left the stage and glad they came back. Guess there's a first time for everything. heh...

Then came Foreigner. They were really good too! Not one of my favorite bands, but they did a great show with lots of energy and excitement. They even used art as a part of the whole scheme of things which impressed me a lot. There was a digital screen behind the stage for all 3 shows but I was the most intrigued by the display for Foreigner. They did "Starrider" and I was totally captivated by the digital video or whatever you call it... it added a lot to the song and helped you get a sense of what the song was conveying.

THEN they did Jukebox Hero and that was pretty awesome too. I really wouldn't have gotten into the song by itself but the video kept my interest and I ended up really liking it. The video was a cartoon, kind of in the style of anime, to take an older song and bring it into today, grab the interest of kids today. And uh... of me. *grin*

The PEOPLE attending the concert... now that was a whole 'nother story. Which I will get to later. Gotta split now though. Good stories to come! All in all it was a great concert and watching a lot of the setup made me wish I was part of the crew. Dreamin' just for fun. :o)

Friday, May 7, 2010

Large Dog on a Bike

Last night I had another weird dream I will have to piece apart. Here goes, as best as I can remember it.

I was with my dad *I think* and maybe Carrie... that part is fuzzy... we were walking through an area that was a lot like the French Quarter just a lot less busy. And a little darker. The sky was cloudy and it was evening - so cloudy that everything seemed to be in black & white. I was walking with a bike, too.

All of a sudden, I came upon this enormous dog! It was huge like a Great Dane only with longer hair. Gray and white, mostly gray with white strands throughout. Pointy ears. Looked kind of like this German Shepherd but with the colors I indicated: It was the sweetest and friendliest dog and he was following me so I, of course, "adopted" him as part of our group.

We got to where we were headed... some kind of outdoor ampitheater and stage - like the one at LSU but wooden. We were seated down near the bottom, right next to the stage. The top of my head was about level with the stage. The dog was with us, sitting by me and, off and on, nudging me for attention and petting. Sweetest dog!

Thunder started, and people started fleeing like mad. A big storm was coming and it was going to be dangerous with flooding and lightning. So we hauled it out of there! It was raining in torrents and the streets filled up with water fast.
We got to a hiding place inside a storefront when I remembered I had forgotten the dog! I felt terrible; that sweet dog had depended on me and I left it to fend for itself, thinking only of ME. I felt horrible!

But my dad wouldn't let me go out and look for the dog. Finally the rain stopped and the water went down quickly. I took off on my bike, headed back to the ampitheater area.

I found the dog! I was so excited and so was he! With strength from the excitement and adrenaline, I scooped him up and sat him on the little metal rack behind the seat. And we took off! I was worried he would fall off because he was just sitting there, but he stayed upright like a Weeble! I could tell he was just so glad I came to rescue him. He was wet and so was I, but we were relieved and glad. I was headed back to meet my dad and Carrie.

Then an alarm clock went off so I didn't get to see what happened. AHH!! hahaha

OK here's what I found... as much as this filtered work internet will let me...

To dream about a dog that fondles you indicates great gain and constant friends.

To dream that you are riding a bicycle signifies the need to balance work and pleasure in your life. (hmmm... okay...)

Thick, slow-moving clouds represent confusion.

If you dream about family, it may be a way for your mind to express feelings and concerns about your real family that you could not express in daily life. Some believe that this dream usually has nothing to do with your actual family members, but rather the male and female sides of your own personality or self. So in a dream, your father may represent your expressive and protective aspects.

To dream of a girlfriend can be a straightforward representation of feelings or anxieties about your real life girlfriend.

Dreaming about being frustrated represents a feeling of being unable to cope with something going on in your life. You are concerned about the direction of your life.

Dreaming about a fear of yours means that you are having anxiety about certain events in your life.

To dream of night time signifies obstacles in achieving your goals. You may find that some issues you are facing are still unclear.

If your dream takes place outdoors, this symbolizes freedom, tranquility, restoration, and renewal. It may also mean that you want to fully experience and express your feelings and instincts.

Running suggests that you are feeling trapped or stressed by school or work.

A storm suggests confusion and anxiety in the dreamer.

If you dream of being unprepared for something, it represents your fear of messing something up and failing. You may be worried and insecure that you don't have what it takes to accomplish a particular task coming your way.

Water is the universal symbol for emotions. Turbulent, choppy waters in which a dreamer fears being swamped or drowning symbolize that you are being overwhelmed emotionally.

---SO THERE WE HAVE IT! Basic summary: I need to get myself together! heh... Yeah.. most of the symbols in my dreams lately reflect that I'm unsteady and uncertain. That's just life though! I will survive! :) Just like Gloria Gaynor. heh...