Friday, August 21, 2009

Unbridled Mental Rushes

What's that psychological term for... just writing and writing, whatever is in your mind, without filtering it, just letting it flow... well I've been doing that a little, at work really when no one is around or I'm between tasks... and it helps.

I am getting used to my new job and feeling less like a pissed off teenager toward my new "manager"... she has discovered that I am both cool and also good at my work... has also discovered that I am about 7 years older than she is... and has stopped barking at me like a disobedient three-year-old. She seems to have decided we are friends, which is fine with me, but it will take awhile for me to feel the same thing. She's about to go have a baby any day now and I will be in charge of her job... which is Accounting Manager... but I find I thrive when I am dropped into new oceans with no flotation devices... I either discover I can swim or learn how, or somehow build a boat out of floating twigs... you know. I will be fine and I will impress myself and hopefully "Mr. Miller," the owner of the company. So weird calling him that; I haven't called people by their last names since I was in school. Hell, my favorite college professor, who I respect HIGHLY, goes to my church nowadays... and she's even said I should just call her "Linda," not Dr. anything... that's a little weird though, like calling God an unbefitting nickname or something... heh...

It has rained and rained and rained all day today. I have been home for a few hours, from work that is. Carrie and I had our guitars out on the porch awhile and were looking through a Bob Dylan anthology she has. Very nice. Though I do find it very hard to play with her. I strum in a steady pattern and she does her own thing; it's hard to sound cohesive. I got frustrated but tried to lighten up. Anyway we decided to get our guitars out of the humidity so that was that.

She has gone to the store now because she wants to cook on the grill. In the rain? Yes, in the rain. Whatever she says... she's spent a little time with Ms. Ethyl this afternoon so whatever she says is what she will do, and I will not intrude, because all the fights we've had have been when she and Ethyl had been chummy and I tried to go against the grain of whatever she had going on... now I know just to let it be.

Gotta go. Just wanted to say a few things and clear my head. I thanked God today for my life; everything in my life these days is just about great. :o) And I am grateful.

Sunday, August 16, 2009

These Dreams Go On When I Close My Eyes

Tried 3x to write a blog about a bad dream I had. It was awful. I want so badly to write it out and get it out of my system but it must not be in MySpace's mind to let that happen this evening. I've calmed down a good bit since I woke up and that helps. I will see what I can do. See, that makes no sense; I need to go back to bed. I took a clonazepam to peter our the HUGE anxiety and knots in my stomach I woke up with... I had been making mistakes and trying to hide them rather than fix them or just confess them to the appropriate person. It was a horrible dream.

Could have come because I forgot to take my meds today... or because I drank champagne with Carrie to finally celebrate our new house, along with taking a muscle relaxer, several pain meds, and antihistamines (fighting the second consecutive ear infection, fighting tooth and nail!!) I don't know, maybe something is trying to tell me something.

Need to go back to bed. The clonazepam is doing its job and my pulse has slowed to at least near normal. I will have to come back to this blog more often; it is such a sanctuary of peace and release for me. Miss you guys who read my stuff. I will update again soon and hopefully more often. Love y'all... good night.