The inside of my belly button hurts. That's where one of the incisions was made for my recent surgery. The skin at the surface of all 3 incisions is healed. Just, sometimes, it hurts underneath. Like I imagine the path of the tunnel the doctor made to get in there and do his business, and the pain goes down that path. It can't be more than a few inches, at the very most, but the mind does weird things when the body experiences pain. Well, my mind does, at least.I've also been having strange dreams. Related, in different ways, to a hysterectomy. Recently, I had a dream in which I was so excited because I was going to carry a child for someone else, as a surrogate mother.
I was almost giddy! In the dream, I remember thinking, "I am so glad I get to carry this baby for (whomever) before I have my hysterectomy!" Then, in the dream, I had a stunning realization; 
I remember thinking, "Wait! I need to carry a baby for MYSELF before my hysterectomy!" And I woke up sad, with an empty, hollow feeling in my lower abdomen.Last night, I had a straight-up crazy dream. I was in some kind of large class with a bunch of people who were all seemingly friends... no one I knew in real life but, in the dream, I was a part of this group of friends. As a class, we had to go to this... not a mausoleum, but that's the closest comparison I can think of... the walls were multiple chambers covered clear plastic windows that you lifted from the bottom to open. Kind of like something in a chemistry lab (which I only know about because I used to work in a chemical plant, replete with every kind of lab equipment).
We were outside in the twilight and the air was humid.
In each chamber was a coffin, most of which were pretty rickety, varying widely in size from full-sized coffins to some as small as violin cases. Our task was to each find the coffin we were assigned to, get it out, open it and examine the decaying body inside. There was a sense of rushing; everybody was in a hurry to do whatever with the bodies and get back to the bus so we could leave. I'm not clear on what it was we actually were supposed to do with the corpses, but we did some poking and digging around with each of them. It was very weird and surreal, and very dirty. Then, all of a sudden, the demand to rush was escalated to a frenzy. We were all working together, trying to help each other get all the parts back in the coffins and get everything put away. Coffins were falling apart as people tried to lift them and it was all a huge mess.
I was one of several people who were telling others, "Just go, go get on the bus; I'll help finish getting this put away." The task was frustrating and frantic. We got everything crammed back SOMEWHERE, though definitely not where it all was when we first got there. I was with a guy friend who looked a lot like Luke Wilson. We finished up the last of the gooky-goo, turned around, and saw that the bus had already gone.
"Luke" and I were so dirty, exhausted and frustrated that we barely cared. We went in a house next to the (cemetery?). It was okay for us to be in there; one of us knew whoever lived in the house. I went in a back bedroom to get cleaned up. I was wiping my nasty hands on the bedsheets, the carpet, on clothes hanging in the closet... and then I noticed I had started my period. Suffice it to say, blood got on everything along with the gook, and I just hoped no one would notice. (Like in the way a young child processes logic; "Maybe no one will notice"... the blood smeared all over the white ottoman, for example.)
Oh yeah, I was also a little drunk during that last part of the dream. I don't remember drinking or when I would have time to do that, but I was drunk. I remember texting my mom a picture of one of the corpses we had mangled, thinking she would be impressed - but she only replied, "Are you drunk?" Which kind of shattered my illusion that no one would notice the mess I'd made and the stains I'd left in that bedroom. So I found Luke Wilson and we got out of there in a hurry.
...POINT being, I will not have my period any more.
I guess my body is figuring out its new state of being... maybe?? I don't know. I've had a counseling appointment for this Wednesday; it's been set for about a month now. Maybe she can help me sort some of this out.
I'm physically okay, unless I push myself too hard... which I do, every other day or so, unintentionally. Like, yesterday I learned it's not a good idea to carry a 12-pack of bottled beer through WalMart and all the way out to your car, 2.5 weeks after a hysterectomy. Duly noted.
Gonna rest today. I am infinitely grateful for all this time I'm getting off from work. I didn't realize at first, but I truly do need it.
