I have had quite an evening. You might say I've had quite a whole day... and I have turned for solace to my dear friend the anti-anxiety pill.
Last night, I had promised Lena that I would take care of several things while she was out working. One by one, when she asked about them this afternoon, my response was a sheepish, "Oh, I'm sorry; I forgot."
Which was true; I did forget. And I was (and am) genuinely sorry.
This afternoon, I thought I made a mistake in regard to the staying-closed of my sutured/glued surgical incisions. I freaked the freak out. A cold stream of anxiety flowed up my body, all the way to the top edge of my throat. All the way until... well, even until now, a little bit. (Yes, I know streams do not flow upward. But my stream flowed lazily upward. One cannot control the direction of a stream of anxiety; deal with it.)
Last night, I also promised Lena I would help her with a few things she needed to take care of online. This afternoon, I totally forgot that promise as well and decided to go somewhere this evening. Around 5:30 pm, I skipped merrily out the door... scratch that, I am not allowed to skip at present... I walked happily out the door with the intention of taking part in an evening "Master Gardener" class at the library.
Smarty pants went to the wrong library branch. Sweet.
So, there at the incorrect library location, I found on a shelf Borderline, the Anna Pigeon book in which I am engrossed at present. I've been reading it on my tablet... which I forgot at home, despite having had the best of intentions to bring it along this evening... so I found the hardback version and sat down to read a chapter or so.
Having just missed the heavier part of the drizzle that was falling, I walked back to my truck and drove home.
Once I had gotten here and explained the wrong-library snafoo to my dear and ever-loving Lena, I went and had a shower. Afterward, no sooner than I had started drying my hair, my eyes flew open... in a cartoon, they would have been the size of silver dollars. Shuffling back to the living room, I confessed to a dozing Lena that I remembered having forgotten my promise to help her online tonight, and boy wasn't it fortunate that I went to the wrong library because now I could keep my promise.
She mumbled to me that it was okay and we could do it tomorrow.
I reiterated to her how truly, very sorry I was and told her I was going take a clonazepam before my nerves wiggled out of my skin and all ran down the street screaming.
I feel crappy.
Maybe I need to go to bed.
Hasta luego. 😒
