You Want Me To Do WHAT Gracefully???

Ohhhh... so, I am struggling with this AGE thing.  As of late, I have begun realizing a few things:

1. There are parts of my face and body that have changed, that I will not be able to whip back into shape without the aid of a plastic surgeon.
2. Women who I see in public and think, "Man, she's getting old!"... are probably actually pretty close to my own age.
3. Aging happens.  It can't be prevented.  It's just... I don't know... I didn't really anticipate its happening to ME.

*sigh*

I was moderately depressed yesterday.  Then I went to the "lady doctor" to discuss my inner female workings.  Turns out, my doctor has given me the green light to have them removed, should I choose to go that route.  THAT freaked me out a lot.  (Inside; I kept a poker face for the doc.)

Lots of "where did that come from" thoughts barraged my brain as I walked to my truck after that appointment.  Like, "I don't even want to go home tonight.  Maybe I'll go park somewhere, turn off my phone, and sleep in my truck."  What axed that idea was how it would likely make Lena feel.  I don't want to hurt anyone - especially not her - as an offshoot of my... freak-outing.

So I went and walked around Goodwill... then I went and walked around Tuesday Morning... because those are places that make me happy.  I didn't buy anything; just walked around and looked.

I did run into a friend at Tuesday Morning and shared a little bit of what I was feeling.  She was very encouraging and even gave me a really grade-A friend hug.  That helped a lot, lot, lot.

Then I went home and talked to Lena.  And hugged my furries.

Sometimes I wish I could just skip all this aging business and fast forward to the part where I fall into the arms of Jesus and eternity.  Like, couldn't the rapture come?  Or could I just maybe die instantly in a car crash or random shooting incident?  Maybe an aneurysm or my heart could just... stop?

I wonder if this is similar to the mindset of whoever came up with the band name for the Grateful Dead... hahahahaha..............

(PLEASE NOTE:  I am NOT suicidal.  I am NOT even remotely considering ending my own life.  I am merely tossing out ideas of ways to quickly switch worlds in the most painless way possible.  Kind of in jest.  PLEASE do not worry; I am completely fine.  I swear.  Cross my heart.  Pinky promise.)

Anyway, I'm struggling.  And now I have come out and SAID things we are "not supposed" to say.  But I think those things.  So I said them.  So there.

I'm a little depressed today.  I will slog through this day as I have all the others before in which I have felt this way... and, in time, as usual, I am sure I will feel better.

One thought I had was to look up some writings on handling middle age and how to make it through like a champion.  Heh... a wrinkled champion??  LOL  Because I seriously cannot be the only person feeling this way.  I'm looking for suggestions and ideas on how to get some doggoned lemonade out of these lemons with which life is currently pelting me.

Ha.

Be well.  I will post again soon!

(THIS IS SO TRUE FOR ME!!!  WHAT IS GOING ON???!?!?!?!?????)