Mud Whirlwind

My brother. I am so perplexed and sick. I am coming here to let it out because I'm trying to not rock the boat too much. But that's just me... that's how I do life... other people do things that upset me and instead of speaking up for myself and my needs, I take it all inside and think hard how I can not make THEM angry yet somehow manage to salvage the meeting of my needs and my sub-important... dignity. Relationships, friendships, family... that's how I do it. I hate that about me. But now is not the time to worry about that. Now is the time to figure out my present circumstance.

That has been my usual next step, too, in situations like this. My needs are not being met. I cannot conceive a way to manage the situation without inciting presumable anger in the other party. Next step: Nicole leaves. That's been my life pattern, my life habit. Again, not good, but again, now is not the time to fix my entire life. Now is the time to handle my present situation, and save the project of fixing ME for later. Always later. It does need to happen, though, or I will continue to damage my own life and hurt those I truly care about.

He is quitting his good, F/T job where he makes decent money and has a company truck. To go and be a P/T chef making considerably less. Of course this does not make sense but seldom does his logic make sense to me. I have been staying at his house and driving his car to work. I am saving for my own vehicle. That is the only reason I am staying with him. I need a way to work.

He is so hard to get up in the morning. He says he will bring me to work but I foresee only struggles, lateness, and mounting frustration. Basically I don't want to depend on him to get me to work on time. I know him. It won't work. I don't trust him. Not even enough to feed my dog if I go out of town for the weekend; I always arrange with my other brother to stop by and feed her.

He could have kept this job a little longer, at least until I got my own vehicle. But what matters to him is HIM. I am resentful because I kept a horrible job I hated for a time out of devotion to my partner and our household. That is just the right thing to do. What about doing the right thing? I am so glad I was blessed to be a lesbian. Every hetero male example in my life falls SOOOOOOOO far short of what I have with my C. They just disgust me. Why women put up with that and desire that kind of life is beyond me.

I know of a little motel about 2 miles from my office. I can walk from there or even take my bike. I need to find out their pet policy and what it would cost, and I might be moving next week. He makes me sick right now. He is an asshole to so many people in so many ways... trust me, I can't list them because *I* have to go to my *JOB* that I am grateful to have. Because I am a responsible lesbian adult. Ha... that is a triple plus! LOL *sigh*

Like Ma-Ma says... "It'll all work out." Truer words were never spoken. <3

Big, Easy Saturday

Yesterday after work I got Kevin to drop me off at a bus stop on N. Sherwood. Got there around 5:30. Finally got to my hotel at almost 8:30. Ha - hats off to the Baton Rouge Capital Area Transit System.

Checked into the Extended Stay at Citiplace. Walked over to On the Border and ate a beautiful steak burrito with a decent Strawberry Msrgarita. (yes Margaritas deserve to be capitalized LOL)

This morning I woke up at 3:10 a.m. and decided to just stay up. I had set my alarm for 3:30... this way I didn't have to rush at all and even had a time cushion.:)

At 4 I was outside waiting for my cab. He was right on time and straightaway took me to the Greyhound station. Later boarded the bus, slept as we drove through the dark, and now I am in New Orleans.

Walking is not fun today; my ankle is bothering me again. But if I just stop for a minute every so often, it's ok.

Sitting now in PJ's on Canal Street. I remember, when I was in college, thinking how I would love to explore Canal Street all by myself, and here I am.

Carrie and her mom are at a hotel on Decatur but I don't think I'm going there. There is much ground to cover!

Planning to limp around the Quarter (ha) and look in shops, or at least windows, until they open up. It's 7:30; shouldn't be too much longer.

Hoping today will be a good day!

They Got Theirs, You Got Yours and I Got Mine

Life. Wow. It's been awhile since I posted anything. I am now working at ExxonMobil Pipeline in Denham Springs. I like working here. Initially thought I might like to live in DS but... no... maybe I'm a snob but the people here, just some of them, really give me the creeps. I want to live on the OTHER side of the Amite. :) Yes indeed.

Living, actually, with Kevin right now, which is actually very nice. Only no Carrie... stuff went down and I left her... but we are working things out. For the time being, she is going to live with her friend Trish in New Orleans/Algiers... somewhere on the West Bank... while we both save up money and get out business straightened out. Then hopefully get a place together again.

I am driving Kevin's (PapPa's) car to work. Kevin has a work truck so that worked out just right. My first item on my agenda is to get a vehicle. Trying to save but things keep coming up. It will work out eventually.

Still lots of pets, still trying to find homes for 4 kittens. Life is fun with animals in it, it really is fun. *grin*

Just More Stuff

At lunch today, I went “window shopping” with my camera. It’s almost as fun as buying things; you pick out what you want and take a picture of it. I plan to make a wish list/file sort of thing. Just for fun. Window shopping is more fun because you don’t spend any money. *grin*

Just Stuff

Tuesday, July 7, 2010 2:15 pm

WHAT am I going to DO for TWO MORE HOURS?!! Wow. This day seems FAR
longer than any day I’ve worked here before. *I am grateful for my
job!* heh… always gotta say that… this day is just taking forEVER.

When I pulled up this morning, I was approached by the most wonderful
little dog! A puppy really… so cute and sweet, and she’s the same color
of several of our cats… haha… I carry a travel, foldable fabric water
dish in my backpack (I’m either Mary Poppins or Inspector Gadget,
depending on the day) and gave the puppy some water. After that, we
were friends for life. I bought her a chain collar, some puppy food and
some treats at Dollar General on my lunch break. She’s shown no
interest in eating, which is strange for a dog. We have moved so much
stuff (furniture, etc) using this truck, of course there was rope in the
back, so I tied her to a post on the railing outside this building with
enough slack to lay under the truck. Which she did straightaway and has
refused to come out since.

Which is fine, since it has been raining and that is pretty much the
driest place there is, outside…

I wanted to name the dog something to match today, when I found her…
something like Cloudy or Stormy…