Let the Sun Shine

It's a great day out here today! And yes, by "out here" I mean I am outside in the sun, clear sky, not too hot... got my Lu with me... life is GOOD today. :o)

Luna and I are chilling outside the CC's Coffee House on Perkins Rd. She has a bowl of water that she is classically ignoring. Someone is smoking out here and of course that sucks but the smoking area and the dog area are combined so I really can't complaim.

I am out here supposed to be working on school... and i might... but my batter isn't verycharged and might not last too long. It will all work out one way or another. I'm not worried about much today. :o)

Actually if the smokers in the corner would finish and leave... I believe there is an elecric outlet over there... the air would be cleaner... and I could give Luna a little more slack on her lhe worldeash....... just sayin' :o)

It is hte perfect day for taking pictures, also... I need batteries.. that can be fixed easily. It's just a great, great day and I am so glad to not be at home! Mariska's great and all but really... too much of any good thing can be bad for a person.

Just me and Lu, with the world at our toes! Sure to turn out a great, great day. :o)

Where I Am

I've been thinking, and have almost concluded, that I am not in my "place" in life right now. Or yet... I haven't decided. I don't feel like I really "fit" in most places I find myself lately. I am uncomfortable with myself, particularly my appearance, and wish for a place I felt more of the same and not such a constant reminder that I am not "as"... skinny, pretty, nicely dressed... whatever. I dress how I like, and though other women might look cute as pie in their tight skirts and little pointy-heeled hybrids between rodeo/snow boots and pumps... ...that is not me. I would not be comfortable trying to look like Reese Witherspoon. My style does not really fall under one umbrella term... I dress like me, that's about it.

I think I want to go live somewhere on a farm full of lesbians. Where we are valued for things different from things for which the "society" entity values people. Where the value of a woman is not her hairstyle and how nicely her makeup is done but how she contributes to society in real ways, tangible and intangible... not just in terms of aesthetics.

I read a book about that once... those lesbian festivals where women are just free to BE... and even walk around shirtless, which we are not permitted to do in society.

I did take my shirt off once in a gay bar. I was irritated because some of the guys were shirtless and preening around in front of each other... it just seemed so stupid... so off came my shirt and I continued to play pool in my bra. The other 3 girls there with me were horribly mortified and begged me to put my shirt back on. I finally did, but not happily.

I want the freedom to walk around with my shirt off and my belly bulging over my pants. Not because it's attractive
- because it is SO not - but because it's an inequality against women. I'm sick of people being shocked and appalled at simple, really inconsequential things. Get over it. Just live your life, let me live mine, and look the other way if you don't like it.

Weird Dream

Last night I dreamed that this woman showed up banging on our back door - a heavyset Hispanic woman, like the lady hired to clean the house on the Goonies... remember that? Anyway, our landlord is supposed to come do some work here today (in real life) so, in the dream, Carrie and I wondered if he had sent her in his place. But she didn't speak English and we were not pre-warned of her arrival. Carrie told me to just let her in so she could start working. I was very hesitant but Carrie insisted so I let her in. To make a long story short, she started trying to steal all kinds of stuff from in the house. The landlord showed up em personne and said he had no idea who she was. I was furious and Carrie wasn't even sorry.

...One of those dreams you need to shake as soon as you wake up so you don't carry those feelings into the day against whoever upset you in the dream. Que serah serah. LOL

Couldn't easily find a picture of the cleaning lady but here's one of Chunk, just for happy memories' sake! ;o)

This Was Saturday??

I am very not crazy about my new working circumstances... but, grudgingly, I am grateful for the paycheck it will bring me next Friday. Blah. I had to work 6:30 am - 3 pm today. TODAY! I am so so tired but still have schoolwork ahead of me. Just 2 posts to the online conversation. Tomorrow I have to do my friggin assignment for the week. But only after I have SLEPT, and for a LONG time!! I am taking TWO Benadryls when I go to bed tonight and that should knock me out pretty solid for a good set of hours.

But I am home now, with Carrie and all the pets. I have brushed Luna and left a blanket of faux snow... though yellowish... atop the grass in the backyard. I have so many thoughts and so much more to say but lack the oomph... or energy... actually let's tell the truth... I want to write but feel guilty because I need to get my schoolwork done. Blah.

I did get to see my parents, Kevin, Avery and Abel for awhile after work, and that was very nice. And I got to listen to Prairie Home Companion on the drive home. Sara Watkins... musician/singer worthy of checking out! Very talented... bluegrass-style music with a refreshing twist of "these days" as a garnish on top. Sweet stuff.

It's gonna be 19 degrees tonight, here in south Louisiana! Bundle up everybody!!

When You Wake Up Sweating...

I woke up around 4:30 this morning and went to briefly visit the icy toilet seat. (No heat in that part of our circa-1863 house except for a small gas heater in one of the bathrooms… but we turn this off at night because of the exposed flames… yeah…).
After my arctic adventure, I crawled back in bed. I scooted my back up against Carrie’s back under the sheet, blanket, comforter and additional blanket on top. After Hippie
found his place, purred in my ear for awhile and finally fell asleep, I also fell asleep and proceeded to have dreams that made me SO ANGRY I was ready to… well I don’t know what I was ready to do but let’s just say it’s a good thing I woke up. Hehehe

I dreamed I worked for a very rich man. I think this rich man was Michael Jackson or at least someone very similar in both appearance and demeanor. In the group of about 6 or 7 employees, I was the only female. We all had to take personality assessments. While I was out one day, he gave every employee a good sum of money. When I returned, the boss handed me an envelope containing $600 or $700.

“You can just pay me back whenever,” he said.

I was amazed and excited! In the dream, I used the money for Christmas shopping and was very grateful for the just-in-time assistance.

After the holidays, I found out that all the male employees were given $5000 or $6000and were being taught how to invest and watch their money grow. They did not have to pay the boss back but were encouraged to enjoy what they could earn from simply having money in the first place.

I was PISSED!
I don’t know if I quit, but I did leave.

I went to my grandmother’s house and started telling her what had happened, “Just because I wasn’t a guy!!” I was livid. My uncle was at my grandmother’s house as I was relaying my tale, and he (in his characteristic way) kept trying to “explain” to me why what happened was really all my fault. He countered my every argument by pointing out another thing I was supposedly done wrong. I was even more pissed. (He does this to me all the time in real life….)

I decided to ignore him and settled down to paint for awhile.
Finally relaxing a little, I was sitting on the living room carpet, leaned back against a stuffed chair. Suddenly, a heavy glass slipped out of my hand and fell on a very thin, delicate glass next to my leg. The thin glass broke and a little water spilled on the carpet.

“WHAT DID YOU DO THAT FOR?!??” My uncle was hurling verbal firestones at me left and right. “Why are you breaking your grandmother’s dishes? What, do you just want to ruin everything you come in contact with? No wonder that manager didn’t trust you with his money; you can’t do anything right!!”

I cleaned up the very simple and small mess from my very simple and small accident and left.

I decided to go find Avery.
I knew I could play with Avery and he would have fun. He would make me feel loved and happy. I did find Avery and one other little kid (smaller than him and not Abel). It was cold outside, and I had a large denim jacket. I let the kids sit on the body of the jacket while I held the sleeves and pulled them all over the property like they were on a sled.
We had tons of fun and laughter! Not once did I hit a mud puddle and neither of them fell off the “sled”. We just had FUN and were all laughing, giggling, and out of breath!
After the jacket sledding, I went over to my mom’s. Excitedly, I told her about our adventure.

Immediately, she burst my bubble: “Nicole, you know that’s not safe! They could have had their backs injured or gotten sick from being dragged around out there in the cold! I can’t believe you!!”

Fire exploded inside my chest. I had HAD it!!



Then I woke up. Aaaaahh………….!!!!