I did not know the name of the group would be so close to literal. I suffered an awkward introduction to the "leader" (or whatever you call her... maybe "iced undergrad snotball" would be more appropriate...). Perhaps my approach was a little too cheerful and/or... I don't know... friendly?? Whatever. Now I am seated at the small table directly behind her. Maybe it makes her nervous that I am looking over her shoulder. Ha!
And, once again, a point is scored for my passive-aggressive internal nymph.
Lately, I've been feeling mildly proud of myself, thinking I had overcome caring what younger people thought of me. Lately, I've been... realizing??... my age; realizing that I am 43 and no longer 25 or 30. And, for a long time, I was still seeking to be accepted by the age group of which I had been perceiving myself to be a part. But I am not that age.
I may be slow to the starting line, but it has been occurring to me there are things to enjoy with people my OWN SAME age, or thereabouts. I don't have to try so hard to "fit in" with college-aged people, etc...:
- at CrossFit
- at work
- in general public
Maybe I'm being judgmental of ALL people. I probably am. It's probably a defense; if I find reasons why everyone else is weird or whatever, then they are not BETTER than I am. Ergo, their potential rejection is, at best, laughable... and can't, um, hurt my feelings.
Wow, all this self-searching!
Here is a picture of me in my "writing club" getup... simultaneously, I was trying to manage my NOT wanting to get all fixed-up... and "HEY, HERE'S A GOOD IDEA!" blend that with an attempt to look like a hip, cool artistic-type writer of truth, fiction and ungraspable realities. Ha. Ha..... ha.
I know; I'm rockin' it. HA.
There are so many different kinds of people in here. I would love to be invisible and go around just photo-snapping the hell out of this place.
There's a chick by the window with a head-covering...
a guy to my 10:00 with a really neat shoe on his right foot... with a shiny drop of liquid on the top, toward his toe.
The fun and friendly leader of this group I'm visiting has a pretty neat thing stuck through the bun in her hair.
People are so interesting.
I hate that I'm so afraid of them. Or, timid around them. Or... who knows.
It was raining bullfrogs earlier!
Now it's sunny and moderate outside. The weather people say it will feel like the lower 20's by tomorrow morning.
HASHTAG: GLAD I'M NOT RUNNING THAT HALF MARATHON TOMORROW MORNING!!! ha ha ha...
Eh, whatever. I think I read something cool in the Bible this morning... oh yeah! I believe it was at the end of John chapter 2. It was talking about Jesus. Here we go:
No one needed to tell him what mankind is really like. He already knew/KNOWS the ins and outs of ALL of us! And, I suppose, I kind of know what mankind is like as well... from my own little perspective. I think maybe I should trust only God. Seek my approval and affirming nods of acceptance from God, and to heck with the rest of 'em.
That way, I will never be let down, never feel rejected, never be hurt.
I need to think on that a little more. Pray on it, you know? Because, though I feel like I'm onto something, I don't feel like I have it exactly right yet.
Selah.
Aight, later guys! Thanks for sitting through this with me. 😏
xo,
Nicole
p.s. - now the meeting is over and the leader is pretty cool after all. That's on YOU, little nymph! LOL
awwwwww... poor thing 😌
