Point of View

Yesterday, I stood outside of Albertson's a few minutes. I was playing a game on my phone, but also watching people... or "people watching," to sound less stalker-like.

I saw women with or without kids, most of whom looked like they were stopping by the store on their ways home from work. I tried to imagine what their world looked like, what their home atmosphere was like, and how their inner-family relationships might be categorized. What were their feelings? Were they going home to a happy, loving husband? To pleasant children who had fun stories to tell from their days at school? Were they going home to, instead, a deplorable situation? There was no way I could tell from glancing at them as they entered and left the grocery store.

As I stood there, lost in thought, I tried to imagine myself going home to a husband and two young kids. Going home to a clean house, nice and tidy, in a nice neighborhood.Maybe elementary schoolers. I pictured a smiling husband dressed in a shirt and tie, kids with colored pictures they were excited to show me... and I felt... smothered.

The thought of a family made me feel smothered.

No time to myself, at all, ever, is what I kept thinking.

And the husband part... nice guy or not, a husband is obviously not for me.

My mom has always told me she was incredibly depressed, all the years I was little. A part of me presumes that could be a part of my feelings of disdain or, more specifically, fear... toward raising a family.

Even with a partner, with adopted children. Though the concept of that carries less apprehension than the concept of the "American Dream" hetero family... I'm still hesitant to embrace that idea

Then I thought about posting those thoughts and feelings in a blog. I imagined mothers and wives reading this and thinking I was a closed-minded, ignorant liberal who had no idea about all the GOOD things they experienced with their families; their spouses and children. I almost didn't post this.

But you know what? These are my thought and feelings. Different than those of others, quite possibly, but nonetheless valid.

Just working through the muddle inside that is me. :)

Everyone has a point of view. Everyone is free to alter their point of view at any time. And everyone's point of view is valid.

Have a happy day :)

Headline: Crazy Day Ends in Crazy Haircut

Man. I am finally settling down and feeling better. You know I take certain meds once a day. Well today being Saturday, I was out of my weekday routine... and Lena being out of town this weekend, I was out of my secondary "weekend routine"... so it didn't occur to me to take these meds until after 1:30 pm when I started to feel a little wiggy. Yeah... been paying all day for that memory lapse. I cannot imagine what it's like for people who do hard drugs and need a hit. Needless to say, I am beyond grateful that I have never done hard drugs!

Just like my beer. :) And not excessively... just as something I enjoy that makes me happy.

So anyway, after taking a lengthy walk with Luna around 2 or so, then lying back down because my world was still spinning and I could tell my perceptions and emotions were really off... after that, I suddenly got a lightning bolt realization that I needed a haircut! A very short haircut, and a RIGHT NOW haircut!

So. I found a picture on the internet of the haircut I wanted (I've found most hairstylists work better with visual rather than verbal descriptions), threw on some jeans, told my pets Mama would be back before long, and zoomed to the nearest Supercuts.

(Don't be a hater; I am confessing spontanaiety, not wealth...haha)

Albeit, we're talking Supercuts... so while the haircut was indeed freeing and liberating, it is a good bit shorter than I really wanted and... not reeeeeally just like the, um, picture. haha :)

It's alright, though. I've been needing something new.

Plus, when I ride my bike to work, this way no hair will hang out the helmet and no one will know I'm FEMALE so I won't be as scared. (Now if I could just cover up my white... hehehe....) Man, this world we live in today is a crazy place.

This is the pic I INTENDED to resemble:

BUT that is not QUITE how my cut turned out so... you will just have to wait til I get past that first-day-with-new-haircut phase, get a grip on how to style it, maybe let it... GROW a little... then maybe a pic will be posted. *grin*

Dare To Live Your Dreams: Enspiyr Enterprises January Newsletter

Dare To Live Your Dreams: Enspiyr Enterprises January Newsletter

This is a great, great newsletter/organization just started by a good friend of mine.  Read it!  It makes me want to get off the starting blocks and GO!!  :)

Runny Nose Friday

Hi there. Nothing earth-shattering to write about today... been having a quiet wrestling match with the sinuses today.

NOSE: I shall RUN!!!

ME: No you shall not - I shall MEDICINE you!!!

Yeah, nice and dramatic and all but what Nose does is lay low for a little bit til I think it's surrendered, then comes back fighting all mean and ugly.

Wow, that's just what I worry Al Qaeda will do once we do our big, super-announced exit from Afghanistan.

Never thought I'd do a blog post essentially equating the U.S. Military with... generic cold medicine... heh...

One Day at a Time

From Genesis chapter 5:

5 The Lord observed the extent of human wickedness on the earth, and he saw that everything they thought or imagined was consistently and totally evil. 6 So the Lord was sorry he had ever made them and put them on the earth. It broke his heart. 7 And the Lord said, “I will wipe this human race I have created from the face of the earth. Yes, and I will destroy every living thing—all the people, the large animals, the small animals that scurry along the ground, and even the birds of the sky. I am sorry I ever made them.” 8 But Noah found favor with the Lord.

I just read this and it amazed me. God worked intensively and in detail, creating earth and producing all the plants and animals and humans on the earth.

Then He got frustrated with the way things were developing with this set of creatures, humans, whom He had made in His own image and to have as company; to have friendship with. This was not what He intended and NOT what He wanted.

So God, perhaps in one light, got fed up. He threw His hands in the air and yelled, "Forget it! I quit! It's not working so I'm going to trash the whole thing!"

Hmm... maybe that's were we get the propensity to have a melt down when life is just pissing us off. I QUIT!! THIS SUCKS AND I DON'T WANT ANYTHING TO DO WITH ANY OF IT! JUST THROW IT ALL AWAY!!!

Thank goodness for Noah. Maybe he was that little glimpse/reminder to God that there was some value still to what He had made. Maybe He wouldn't destroy EVERYthing... maybe He would just take a deep breath and... fix it some more. Tweak it a little. Give it another chance.

In my life, as I've grown, I've learned the value of not throwing away a relationship over one fight or issue... the value of not quitting a job because my boss is rude or a policy annoys me... the value of not disowning my family even though they don't respect me for who and what I am. The value in not leaving an entire church because the pastor gives a sermon that rubs me the wrong way.

There is an element of good, there has to be, in everything. Granted, sometimes enough is enough and walking away (or "throwing away") is the best and most healthy choice.

If you are truly in danger or truly going out of your mind then, by all means, do what you need to do to take care of yourself.

But what I'm seeing in my own life is, more often than not, there are one or two grains of value that make it worth staying at least one more day; trying at least one more time.

How wonderful to have a God who loves me for who and what I am, who and what He has made me to be, and who is so close and loving that He says, "Hey, it's okay... look; I've felt the same way before, myself. Come talk to me."

And He takes us in His arms, hugs us, kisses us on top of the head, and we talk. And peace comes... worry subsides... peace comes. Peace that passes understanding.

And in that exchange, we gain the strength to know we can surely make it one more day. Just like they say in Al-Anon meetings; "One day at a time." In other words, "I cannot imagine the enormosity of handling this for WHO KNOWS how long, and I see no end to it anytime soon... but I know I can handle it for THIS ONE DAY. I can handle it for today." One day at a time.

Thank You, God, for giving us the strength and the wherewithal to make it through TODAY. We can deal with tomorrow when it gets here. Thank You for sharing that You have felt the same emotions we deal with, and thank You for showing us the good example of how you chose to handle those feelings. I love You, Lord. Please stay close to me, and to everyone reading this, all day today. Thanks so much... AMEN!