I am sleepy this morning. So very sleepy, I could easily plant my face in my styrofoam cup of Dr. Pepper and ice. Not cool.
I experienced a very awful encounter last night. I have been perusing a free dating site off and on for months now. Recently, I read a profile that struck me as that of someone who might be really cool to get to know, possibly more... so I wrote her back. Soon we began texting a lot, and really hitting it off well. We exchanged first names. I looked at the spelling of her name and my mind began to turn... because I also knew the area in which she lived.
My most recent ex dated someone with that same, peculiarly-spelled name who lived in the same area.
I had to ask.
It was her. Whoa. But, I decided, why not get to know this chick for myself... she might be cool, who knows.
So we agreed to set aside our common ex and continued texting, getting to know one another. I was starting to like her; she seemed really cool and interesting. Then when she told me a description of what she looked like... her height and weight, and the color of her hair... I'll admit I felt pretty weak in the knees.
Last night was the College Football Championship Game between LSU and our strongest rival, Alabama. This chick and I made plans to meet at my certain favorite bar to hang out and watch the game. We even planned to meet awhile before the game actually started. I was thinking we'd spend some exciting time talking, flirting, all that good stuff you do when you first meet someone you're really attracted to.
DID NOT happen. OH my good gracious. I knew she was a few years older than me, but what walked in really looked like an old lady! Actually she reminded me of my aunt, the one I don't really like. She might have told me an accurate weight and height, but did not mention her encroaching... OLD-ness... nothing against the old, but I am attracted to people who are younger and LOOK younger. Slouchy shoulders, flat saggy butt, old-lady haircut, old-lady freakin EARRINGS... and horrible, horrible teeth. I was shocked my ex would have been attracted at one point to someone with such horrible teeth; she's in dentistry and a stickler for good teeth.
I'm not trying to be mean and critical; just being honest about my observations and initial reactions. I could have gotten to know her and maybe liked her; I've put physical appearance aside before and ended up falling in love with people's INSIDE person. Or we could have maybe been friends.
This woman smoked, too... and not just any cigarette - she smoked MARLBORO REDS. One of the stinkiest cigarettes around. When we were first talking, she told me she was in the process of quitting. Last night it was, "I'm still gonna quit... I just have some things going on right now but when that is over, I will quit for sure." I've fallen for that before. I'm not stupid enough to fall for it twice. LIAR. You're either smoking, or you're quitting. Intending to quit holds no weight with me.
But her personality and her damn MOUTH were what definitively slammed that door in her face quick, fast and in a hurry.
She went ON and ON and ON about how she and my/her ex would NEVER piece together any resemblance of a friendship... harped on how the ex was the most wonderful person in the world when she wasn't drinking, ran that deep in the ground. I got the impression she did that because she knew I understood that to be a solid truth. It's like she was bringing up every hurt I felt with my ex and grinding my face in it.
The worse part was the 20,000 comments on how I better NEVER tell the ex that this chick and I had met, much less hung out. That this ex would KILL me and HATE me and NEVER forgive me. Saying that once might have floated on past, but she kept bringing it up over and over and over.
This woman also proceeded to ridicule me and call me names. "You're so shrimpy!" - because I am small - and "You're a CANDYASS!" - because I was drinking slowly. AFTER she had ranted on my ex for being "such a drunk" - I don't drink a lot, very often. Period. I explained to her some of my reasons but should not have had to... and I could state my reasons here but they are all very common-sense and I'm not obligated to list them.
Just like with the "SHE WILL KILL YOU!!" line... she called me a candyass OVER AND OVER AND OVER... I'd had enough.
I retreated into my mind for a minute and thought of my ex. Yes, she was a verbally mean drunk. But when she was sober, she was a wonderful person. I always felt safe with her, no matter what. I felt secure and knew I was loved.
This woman made me miss my ex and want to go find her, even just to hang out for a little while, so I could feel safe again. A few tears escaped my eyes.
The woman told me I was thinking too much and proceeded to remind me I was a candyass.
Then she said, for the 2nd or 3rd time, that I looked tired. I took that as my out and exited, stage right. I cried some more, a little harder, on the drive home.
I'm done. We will not hang out again. I may or may not tell my ex I met this awful woman... but I seriously doubt she would "KILL" or "HATE" me. I think she would agree with what I had learned from experiencing this woman's horrible personality.
I don't need that. I am safe on my own.
I went home and loved on my furbabies. They are my best, most unconditional friends and I love them like little people. :)
LSU lost bad anyway. I left the bar in the first quarter but it was a shutout; I didn't miss a thing. :)
-And finally, I have a painting in my head. It's an image that lodged itself there (in my head) when I was reading a book not too long ago. A girl in the book has been through traumatic A-Z and often has a creepy sense that people are watching her. I want to paint a picture of a nervous-looking young woman with eyes pasted all over her, like the goosebumps she would feel while sensing she was being watched. I'm a little intimidated of this painting, though, that it won't come out to look like what I intend it to look like. Anyway, I'm gonna give it a try. The book was amazing, for anyone interested... it was called "Love Me to Death" by Allison Brennan. Here: