I Hear...

I hear birds chirping outside. Sometimes a lot at once, altogether, sometimes only a few, sometimes maybe even just one.

I hear the soft purring of my cat Leroy as he lies on my chest, his breath cooling my chin. He looks at me through slitted, relaxed eyes.

I heard my window unit a/c kick on a minute ago and just heard it turn off.

Just heard a car door close outside, then a second, more softly.

I hear the murmured humming of my neighbor's air conditioner.

I just heard a dog bark once, then once more.

I hear happy peace.

This is what being with God is like.

The Benefits of a Broken Heart

Yesterday.

Wow. I don't know whether to call it a sudden breakdown or a breakdown that was a long time coming, but I BROKE... WAY down.

It started on I-10 yesterday in bumper-to-bumper traffic. Little feelings of sadness... flashes of frustration... as I sat in traffic, surrounded by vehicle exhaust, my own ghostly emissions of anger slowly formed their own cloud inside my car.

By the time I got home, I was sobbing. Sobbing and screaming in the car is great because no one can hear you and, from the outside, you just look like you're passionately singing along to a song on the radio.

At one point during my drive, I called my mom. I choked out, "So is that it? Is that ALL, or should I expect any other surprise announcements?"

She told me no, there was nothing else. She apologised. Again. And, again, I said I wasn't angry with her... just mixed up over the situation.

"Life is so f***ed up, Mama!"

"I know, Baby. It is. And I wish I could explain it all."

I got home. Once I had let my Luna out to do her business, called Lena, summarized my circumstances and told her I needed some time before I came over. She understood. She's so good to me.

Inside my house, I fell on the bed and kept crying.

And I talked to God.

I told Him ALLLLLLLLLLL about it. And He listened. And He heard me.

Feeling the ache in my very soul, the pain hovering right in the center of my chest, I realized something. Softly I cried, "Lord, my HEART is broken."

Over and over, "My heart is broken. My HEART is broken. My heart is BROKEN, Lord. I don't remember feeling this brokenhearted ever before. Help me, Lord. Oh, please help me. It HURTS."

Still crying, I took a shower. As I washed away the salty sweat, dust and dirt from working in the Plant all day, the tears continued to flow, mixing with the water and going down the drain.

I poured my heart out to God... all the stained, dirty, jagged, broken pieces... and He kept all those pieces.

Psalm 56:8 - "You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book."

I am not magically all fixed up, but I do feel a little better.

I am learning there is not necessarily a clear beginning and ending point to my experiences in life. Those experiences kind of evolve into my reality then continue with me as I move forward. I gain knowledge and understanding that are forming who I am.

By God's grace and, as I lower my resistance and allow this knowledge and understanding to blend with my soul, I am changing. By God's grace, I submit to His work and filter everything through His Spirit, keeping what is worth keeping and washing away the silt, the dirt, the wrong.   As I allow myself to be molded, added to and reshapen, I grow stronger and become a better person.

I remember a youth pastor saying, "You can let life's trials to make you BITTER, or you can let them make you BETTER."

This "WHO'S YA DADDY?" experience has changed and is changing me. It hurts! And the hurting isn't over.

However, I am learning along the way. I pray I continually grow and become better, not bitter... that I gain depth and have more understanding to offer others who are hurting.

------------------------------

Kind of a side note... this is my FAVORITE YouTube video. It kind of relates to this blog post... going through things that hurt but not giving up... anyway, I guarantee it will make you smile. :-)

KID PRESIDENT PEP TALK

On PURPOSE

Sometimes I'm tempted to entertain the thought that I am a mistake. But then I think, "NAAAAH! I'm here, world, so DEAL WITH IT!!" Haha :)

"You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body, and knit me together in my mother's womb. Thank You for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous- and how well I know it. You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion, as I was woven together in the dark of the womb. You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in Your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed.

"How precious are Your thoughts about me, O God! They are innumerable! I can't even count them; they outnumber the grains of sand. And when I wake up in the morning, You are still with me!"
Psalm 39:13-18

And some wonder why I'm pro-life.    :-)

Bring Your Blog to Work Day... Volume 1

Just some thoughts I put down during my day. Please leave comments if you find any of it interesting or if you have an opinion.

8:31 a.m.

This is the first day of my week with no phone. I could **PROBABLY** squeeze together the money for a phone card but… a week being, to whatever small extent… “off the grid”… seems pretty appealing to me.

This morning I took Luna out to pee and noticed the middle-eastern guy who lives in the apartment above me, outside on his balcony using a laptop. I wondered if he was doing that so early because of the time difference between here and wherever he was from, talking to his family. I’ll admit the question of a terrorist plot did flash through my mind but I didn’t grab onto that thought. Some thoughts, you need to let keep on walking through your mind and out the other side.

I also wondered if I could get his internet password so I could connect through his service. Probably won’t ask; that’s such a scrubby thing to do. Like I said above… I could **PROBABLY** scrape together the money to pay for my own internet in my own home, but… why? I can go to the public library or a coffee shop anytime I want and use it for free. All in the name of saving money. Though I bet what I spend on coffee shop beverages each week probably equals out to what I would pay for my own internet service at home. Hmmmmmm…… interesting thought.

Yeah so, in the mornings, things move pretty slowly in my area at work. Mid-morning til around lunchtime, I will be rocking and rolling. Anyway. I’ll get off here (this high-tech MS Word document I’m typing since my blog website is blocked here at work) and try to look like I’m doing something more productive. Which will probably involve actually doing something productive, which isn’t so bad because it will look good to the boss.

I’ll update later.

1:55 p.m.

Got a lot done today. Pretty much through with the largest part of my job; just the tidying-up things to do.

I’m feeling a little bummed. It comes and goes. I am planning to work out after my official workday ends. That will probably up my mood. Ahh, friendly chemicals. Haha I don’t WANT to work out, but I will force myself because I have to, HAVE to work out in order to not gain tons of weight. Kind of a swimming upstream mentality I have to live with… push forward as hard as you can or you will be dragged backward… but I really have no other choice if I don’t want to become superfat. Ehh… anyway…

We start Mondays 30 minutes earlier so I could actually be done at 3:00… though staying and earning overtime is a possibility. But I’m thinking being done at 3 sounds really nice.

And after my workout, I can go to the library and post this blog. Ta-dah!!

3:09 p.m.

Well since we only get paid in completed 30-minute increments, and since it’s past 3:00 and I just finished doing some last-minute things that came up, I suppose I will be staying ‘til 3:30. Just a few more minutes; not too bad. Cause me, I doan works fa FREE, no! *insert Cajun accent* haha

Need to go make sure a few last-minute things are done… things that we all get yelled at if they’re left undone, so I do them, and I feel pretty certain that if I left these things undone and counted on one of these guys to do them, they would not be done… grrr… anyway. I don’t mean to be a hater, but it seems like, if they think someone else will take care of something for them, those people forget all about it without a care in the world. Yet I do the daily this and that's... because if it's left undone, we all get chewed out. And I hate that so much. Call it... partially preventive maintenance with a dash of passive-aggressive resentment. hahaha

Okay, enough ranting. Signing off… until next time!

The Story of Danielle and Lynnelle

Back in the 1970's, Danielle was in high school. She had a boyfriend named Mark, and they were crazy about each other. They dreamed of getting married, having a family, and said they would have a little girl and name her Lynnelle.

After two or three years of dating, Mark and Danielle got in a huge fight. Danielle threw Mark's ring at him and they broke up in a big storm of tears and words.

Two weeks after breaking up with Mark, on a blind date, Danielle met a guy named Joe. Joe was a nice guy and he saw Danielle off and on.

The whole time Danielle had dated Mark, Mark's friend Wayne had an eye for her. They flirted more and more after her breakup with Mark. Danielle told Mark she was going to start seeing Wayne. Mark said he didn't care, and off she went into the arms of Wayne.

For a time, Danielle dated both Joe and Wayne, off and on, back and forth. Then Joe decided to move to Texas in pursuit of another girl he'd had a crush on for a long time. So Joe left, and was gone for months. Danielle kept seeing Wayne, now exclusively.

One night, Danielle and Wayne had a blowout. They fought, said hateful words, and parted ways on bad terms.

One month later, Danielle turned up pregnant.

Danielle was scared and did not know what to do. Her father was angry and declared that whoever had gotten her pregnant better marry her and take care of her and their child. Danielle went to Wayne, told him she was pregnant and that they should marry. But Wayne would have none of that, and denied the baby even being his.

Around this time, Joe had given up his quest for his Texan dream girl and come home. He re-established contact with Danielle, and they started talking again. One night, she confided in Joe that she was pregnant, that Wayne would not take responsibility and that she was so scared, she didn't know what would happen to her.

Joe said, "Well... why don't you marry me?"

Danielle said, "Well... okay."

Joe and Danielle wed in August of 1975. In November of that same year, Danielle gave birth to a pink little girl. Joe signed the birth certificate as the baby's father.

Danielle named her daughter Lynnelle, the name she had previously chosen for the daughter she'd wanted to have with Mark.

Joe and Danielle agreed to never tell Lynnelle that she had any father besides Joe. Both their families knew Lynnelle was not Joe's biological daughter, but everyone agreed that she need not know that small detail. So no one ever told her. As she grew up, both sides of the family loved her and any memory or knowledge of Wayne was all but forgotten.

Years and decades passed. Joe and Danielle had 3 children together, in addition to Lynnelle who knew nothing other than she had two loving parents named Joe and Danielle and 3 younger siblings. Lynnelle loved her family.

When Lynnelle was 37, amidst a storm of family drama and upheaval, Danielle and Lynnelle met at a coffee shop to talk. Lynnelle had a number of questions, none of which were easy to answer. In the end, Danielle confessed to Lynnelle that Joe was not her biological father.

Nothing changed; family was still family and Joe was still Daddy... but...

Lynnelle was broken. What in the world was this crazy story she had been told? Was there really a Wayne? Did she actually have two half-sisters, Wayne's other daughters, whom she had never known about? Lynnelle's world spun until she was dizzy and almost sick.

She cried fat, heavy tears of pain and confusion. At one point, Lynnelle went to Joe, clung to him and sobbed, "YOU are my Daddy. You are my Daddy and I love you SO MUCH!" Lynnelle cried a long time and Joe heaved out his own sobs along with her.

Things were still the same, but... things would never be the same.

________________________________________________________________________________

Grief... anger, denial, depression, bargaining... stages of grief... I go back and forth among and between these stages with no solace to be found.

I am deeply grateful for Lena, her arms, her very absorbent shoulders, and her bottomless well of caring and kindness. Lena speaks softly but carries great strength and has been a rock for me since I found this out.

I can't talk about it or write about it without having a spike in anxiety and a knotting of my stomach. I know I need to get it out... so I wrote it in 3rd person. It's the best I can manage right now.

I will always love my dad just the same. Sometimes I hate this other guy. Rarely am I interested in ever meeting him. He knows I exist; let him find me, get off his ass and put out a little EFFORT if he ever wants to know his oldest daughter. I have self respect; I have never and WILL never chase anyone and beg for their attention or affection.

I have a family that I love very much.

I also have a very broken heart, kind of a fog in my mind, a constant degree of inner anger and frustration, and am worried about getting a stomach ulcer over all this.

I am the type who needs to FINISH and RESOLVE things. This cannot and will never be finished or resolved.

I feel like a scared, lost little girl who has been hurt and needs help... but no one really sees her as they pass by, living their normal, everyday lives. The world moves on around her while her insides crumble and her world falls apart.

I will be okay. I'm strong. My mom apologizes for telling me, sorry because it hurt me... but I prefer the truth, even if it's a hard truth.

I will make it. Just gonna take all the time I need to process this. Only I can handle my life the way that is best for me, and I will take care of myself.

...With the help of my Father God, my partner Lena, and my sweet furbabies Leroy, Luna and Hippie, who make things just that much more okay just by BEING.

The End.

Big, Big House!

God has given you a huge, enormous house. It symbolizes Himself, and all He has for you.

You may have been sitting in the foyer, comfortable and cozy, simply happy to be inside the house. Happy to know that it's yours and that you no longer have to deal with all the troubles and worries outside your newfound solace.



It is a house of peace, a house of joy, and a house of love.

But you have never left the foyer.

God is eager and excited for you to discover what else He has put for you in that house!

There are rooms on different floors, all full of very good things!



There are rooms full of healing. There are rooms full of provision. There are rooms full of answers to prayers! There are rooms full of hope, rooms full of freedom, and rooms full of strength. There are rooms full of things you have prayed for than only God and you know about. There are rooms full of wonder beyond your wildest dreams!

And there you sit on that soft little seat in the foyer.

GET UP!! Look around! Open a few doors and climb a few stairs, for Pete's sake!



God has already put in place all we could ever wish for, think of or desire. But sometimes, finding these things takes a little effort on our part.

He says, "Seek Me and you will find Me, when you seek Me with all your heart."

When God gives a directive like that, it's because He knows a good result awaits aFter we obey Him!

It's all there for you! Run for hope, claim peace, dive into freedom and purity and real, true love.

All that's required of you is to take the initiative to seek it.

The more you search the things of God, the more good things you will find.

But you'll have to stand up and go beyond the foyer of knowing Him.



SO WHATCHA WAITIN' FOR?!?!?? *GRIN*

Check out this video; this song came to my mind when God was speaking to me about these things earlier today. Here: VIDEO

Might as Well Enjoy Life!

When I got home from work yesterday, I had a long mental list of things I really needed to get done... plus a few things I really *wanted* to do. There was no way I could complete all the tasks on either list, much less all of both lists.

I went inside, let Luna out to pee, headed to the kitchen and made a quick "must-do" list on my whiteboard. On top of it all, I was feeling pressure (all from myself) to meet up with a running group... yeah, the one from the duck post with all the people who leave me in their dust, heh... but I wanted to run.

I folded some laundry, put a load on to wash, put a few items up... most of my laundry lives folded on top of the washer and dryer, confession confession, ha... then went outside to water my plants. Luna came along; she is great outside company. *smile*

Sometime whilst watering my veggies-to-be, I conceded to myself that running would not fit into the game plan for the evening. At least not with the group at promptly 5:30. I decided to haul out the electic weed eater and attack the grass on my side of the duplex where I live. Trying to coordinate setting up a lawn-mowing moment between the neighbor and the landlord is proving to be most unfruitful... and the grass around my sidewalk was becoming increasingly unattractive.

Weed-eating was such a freeing experience! Might sound silly, but the weather was perfect, I got some exercise in, and I love the smell of freshly-cut grass. I ate as many weeds as I could... as far as my extension cord would reach, anyway... and until I angered the residents of a particular ant pile. It looked good, too!

I was feeling good. I was feeling productive. Leaning over, I gave Luna a good back-scratching... the kind that frees loads of pre-shed fur that blows happily away in the breeze and does not land in my house for me to sweet up. Nice.

As I was scratching Luna, a cool breeze passed over my face and through my hair, and I had a moment on epiphany. WHY NOT ENJOY LIFE?? I mean really, why not?

I could mentally deride myself for not completing my to-do list, or I could get done what I am realistically able to get done, enjoy myself along the way, and be... HAPPY!

I had a great afternoon. I also washed many of the dishes piled in my sink (not all of them, no, but a lot, which was a good accomplishment as I've been putting that off) and got a lot of laundry washed, dried and folded... and a few pieces put away. *mischievous grin here*

Now, this morning my cell phone alarm clock did not go off. Wait, no, it went off... but was silent. Which, consequently, did not wake me up. I was awakened by a sound from outside, around 7:20.

I am supposed to be at work at 7:00. Oops...

However, I did not stress. I texted my boss, "Running late, be there asap," got dressed, fed the kids, let Luna out to pee, and headed to work. My boss is cool most of the time. As long as I let him know I'm on my way, it's not the end of the world.

I did get ready as quickly as I could, but I was calm and felt peaceful. No reason to stress; I couldn't change the fact that I'd overslept. Onward!

I even stopped for a JAVA MONSTER drink on the way in, and took a picture of the sky because it was so beautiful!

I got to my desk...

And was greeted by my screen-sweetie, my dear, beautiful Mariska... ahhhh.... *huge grin!*

And it's been a good day. Life is good, when I LET it be good. I like that!

Prayer of St. Francis

A good friend read the blog I posted yesterday and emailed me, sharing that the blog made her think of this prayer. I read it and was excited! THIS is my prayer too! Here is the Prayer of St. Francis of Assisi:

Prayer of Saint Francis of Assisi

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.
Where there is hatred, let me sow love;
where there is injury,pardon;
where there is doubt, faith;
where there is despair, hope;
where there is darkness, light;
and where there is sadness, joy.


O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek
to be consoled as to console;
to be understood as to understand;
to be loved as to love.
For it is in giving that we receive;
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned;
and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life. Amen

http://www.catholic-forum.com/saints/pray0027.htm

Comfort

Took a lunch break earlier. Ate, read some in a great book by Carlton Pearson about the extravagant inclusiveness of God's love. Got up, threw some trash away, started to pack my things to get back to my desk when... I felt that little "tug." The little tug where God whispers, "Stay just a little longer... I have something to share with you."

So, I sat back down and re-opened the book I was reading. Great book; I could go on and on about it... and I read a few sentences before... I heard humming.

There was a girl seated at the other table in the small break room. She had work spread out on the large table and iPod earbuds in her ears. And she was softly... hummming.

God said, "Listen."

"Relax."

I lowered my head and stared at the tabletop, noticing how comforting that simple sound of humming felt. Relaxing. Calming. Almost soothing. Very quiet; I couldn't even make out the melody... but it was so nice. Like a mother humming to her baby.

I thought, "Comforting."

Comforting.

Then, BAZINGA, in speaks God. :) *insert big smiles* "You are called to comfort."

For years, I have felt called to "minister" to hurting women. But "minister" is such a broad term and such a... such a "church word." Today, I had that defined for me a little more specifically. How wonderful!

I am called to comfort.

I am called to bear shoulders that absorb tears, arms that give hugs and, most importantly, EARS THAT LISTEN.

I am called to... keep doing what I do, but to also pay more attention. Be more INTENTIONAL about it, maybe. Keep my head up, my eyes open, my heart tender so I can... NOTICE more. Wow. That feels great. *insert more big smiles*

I am not going to allow myself to mentally expound upon what God spoke to my heart... analyze it, amend it, arrange it, interpret it... I'm going to just take what He said and... sit still.

I am called to comfort.

One verse comes to mind... that verse in the New Testament about comforting others with the comfort with which we have already been comforted... comfort comfort comfort, haha... I don't know it word for word but I get a sense of it. It's nice.

I love God. He is so sweet.

Be comforted today.

Be still and know that He is God and, as my grandmother used to say, "It'll all work out."

It will. :)

By the Lake

Yesterday, I met with a group of runners at Varsity Sports in Baton Rouge to run an "Easy 5" - from Varsity to the LSU Parade Grounds, around, and back to start. These people are FARRRRRRRRR better runners than I am. Add that to the fact that I've been pretty lazy this winter, and it is easy to see why I quickly ended up last in line and far behind everyone else.

But that was okay. I really didn't mind. For ME, the distance I had run was pretty darn good, and I felt good about that.

I slowed to a walk and made my way over to the edge of University Lake. The last time I sat out there, God spoke to me. I thought maybe He would again.

The last time I sat out at the lake (also taking a break from a run, haha...) God spoke to me about His will. When I was younger, knowing "God's will for my life" was a big, glamorous, exciting, WOW kind of thing. Like, learning the secret plan... learning the big picture of all the exciting, very important things God had in store for me. That day, I felt God saying His will for my life didn't have to be one huge, big-picture type of thing. His will can be for this week, this day, this moment. It doesn't have to be so huge and mysterious. It doesn't have to be overwhelming. God's will is simple.

I left the lake that day with peace and a smile.

Yesterday, I sat down on the cold ground and looked at my surroundings. The lake, the sky, the clouds, the birds. Clearing my mind; I didn't want to put words in God's mouth. *soft laugh* You know what I mean.

I was watching this little boy and this man feed bread to some geese. It started with 2 big geese. Then more geese came. Then a bunch of ducks swam ashore. Then a bunch of smaller birds swam ashore. Then group after group of ducks and pigeons and other birds flew in, skidded a landing on the water, and waddled with all the little duck-speed they could muster, over to the bread-givers. It was really amazing to me... I couldn't count all these moving creatures, but I know there were over 50 birds there once they stopped arriving.

I thought, "They're coming because they heard that's where the good stuff is." And I felt like God was saying, GO WHERE THE GOOD STUFF IS!

The birds were not shy, either, about coming up to these large humans seeking bread. They knew what they wanted, and fear was not an issue. And I felt like God was saying, DON'T BE AFRAID!

I watched for awhile longer and walked away smiling. God has good stuff. We need to go get it! And not be afraid.

That makes me feel anticipatory and excited! Maybe not today, maybe not next week or even next month, but good stuff will become available and I (and YOU!) need to pursue it with fearless abandon.

Have a great day. :)

Point of View

Yesterday, I stood outside of Albertson's a few minutes. I was playing a game on my phone, but also watching people... or "people watching," to sound less stalker-like.

I saw women with or without kids, most of whom looked like they were stopping by the store on their ways home from work. I tried to imagine what their world looked like, what their home atmosphere was like, and how their inner-family relationships might be categorized. What were their feelings? Were they going home to a happy, loving husband? To pleasant children who had fun stories to tell from their days at school? Were they going home to, instead, a deplorable situation? There was no way I could tell from glancing at them as they entered and left the grocery store.

As I stood there, lost in thought, I tried to imagine myself going home to a husband and two young kids. Going home to a clean house, nice and tidy, in a nice neighborhood.Maybe elementary schoolers. I pictured a smiling husband dressed in a shirt and tie, kids with colored pictures they were excited to show me... and I felt... smothered.

The thought of a family made me feel smothered.

No time to myself, at all, ever, is what I kept thinking.

And the husband part... nice guy or not, a husband is obviously not for me.

My mom has always told me she was incredibly depressed, all the years I was little. A part of me presumes that could be a part of my feelings of disdain or, more specifically, fear... toward raising a family.

Even with a partner, with adopted children. Though the concept of that carries less apprehension than the concept of the "American Dream" hetero family... I'm still hesitant to embrace that idea

Then I thought about posting those thoughts and feelings in a blog. I imagined mothers and wives reading this and thinking I was a closed-minded, ignorant liberal who had no idea about all the GOOD things they experienced with their families; their spouses and children. I almost didn't post this.

But you know what? These are my thought and feelings. Different than those of others, quite possibly, but nonetheless valid.

Just working through the muddle inside that is me. :)

Everyone has a point of view. Everyone is free to alter their point of view at any time. And everyone's point of view is valid.

Have a happy day :)

Headline: Crazy Day Ends in Crazy Haircut

Man. I am finally settling down and feeling better. You know I take certain meds once a day. Well today being Saturday, I was out of my weekday routine... and Lena being out of town this weekend, I was out of my secondary "weekend routine"... so it didn't occur to me to take these meds until after 1:30 pm when I started to feel a little wiggy. Yeah... been paying all day for that memory lapse. I cannot imagine what it's like for people who do hard drugs and need a hit. Needless to say, I am beyond grateful that I have never done hard drugs!

Just like my beer. :) And not excessively... just as something I enjoy that makes me happy.

So anyway, after taking a lengthy walk with Luna around 2 or so, then lying back down because my world was still spinning and I could tell my perceptions and emotions were really off... after that, I suddenly got a lightning bolt realization that I needed a haircut! A very short haircut, and a RIGHT NOW haircut!

So. I found a picture on the internet of the haircut I wanted (I've found most hairstylists work better with visual rather than verbal descriptions), threw on some jeans, told my pets Mama would be back before long, and zoomed to the nearest Supercuts.

(Don't be a hater; I am confessing spontanaiety, not wealth...haha)

Albeit, we're talking Supercuts... so while the haircut was indeed freeing and liberating, it is a good bit shorter than I really wanted and... not reeeeeally just like the, um, picture. haha :)

It's alright, though. I've been needing something new.

Plus, when I ride my bike to work, this way no hair will hang out the helmet and no one will know I'm FEMALE so I won't be as scared. (Now if I could just cover up my white... hehehe....) Man, this world we live in today is a crazy place.

This is the pic I INTENDED to resemble:

BUT that is not QUITE how my cut turned out so... you will just have to wait til I get past that first-day-with-new-haircut phase, get a grip on how to style it, maybe let it... GROW a little... then maybe a pic will be posted. *grin*

Dare To Live Your Dreams: Enspiyr Enterprises January Newsletter

Dare To Live Your Dreams: Enspiyr Enterprises January Newsletter

This is a great, great newsletter/organization just started by a good friend of mine.  Read it!  It makes me want to get off the starting blocks and GO!!  :)

Runny Nose Friday

Hi there. Nothing earth-shattering to write about today... been having a quiet wrestling match with the sinuses today.

NOSE: I shall RUN!!!

ME: No you shall not - I shall MEDICINE you!!!

Yeah, nice and dramatic and all but what Nose does is lay low for a little bit til I think it's surrendered, then comes back fighting all mean and ugly.

Wow, that's just what I worry Al Qaeda will do once we do our big, super-announced exit from Afghanistan.

Never thought I'd do a blog post essentially equating the U.S. Military with... generic cold medicine... heh...

One Day at a Time

From Genesis chapter 5:

5 The Lord observed the extent of human wickedness on the earth, and he saw that everything they thought or imagined was consistently and totally evil. 6 So the Lord was sorry he had ever made them and put them on the earth. It broke his heart. 7 And the Lord said, “I will wipe this human race I have created from the face of the earth. Yes, and I will destroy every living thing—all the people, the large animals, the small animals that scurry along the ground, and even the birds of the sky. I am sorry I ever made them.” 8 But Noah found favor with the Lord.

I just read this and it amazed me. God worked intensively and in detail, creating earth and producing all the plants and animals and humans on the earth.

Then He got frustrated with the way things were developing with this set of creatures, humans, whom He had made in His own image and to have as company; to have friendship with. This was not what He intended and NOT what He wanted.

So God, perhaps in one light, got fed up. He threw His hands in the air and yelled, "Forget it! I quit! It's not working so I'm going to trash the whole thing!"

Hmm... maybe that's were we get the propensity to have a melt down when life is just pissing us off. I QUIT!! THIS SUCKS AND I DON'T WANT ANYTHING TO DO WITH ANY OF IT! JUST THROW IT ALL AWAY!!!

Thank goodness for Noah. Maybe he was that little glimpse/reminder to God that there was some value still to what He had made. Maybe He wouldn't destroy EVERYthing... maybe He would just take a deep breath and... fix it some more. Tweak it a little. Give it another chance.

In my life, as I've grown, I've learned the value of not throwing away a relationship over one fight or issue... the value of not quitting a job because my boss is rude or a policy annoys me... the value of not disowning my family even though they don't respect me for who and what I am. The value in not leaving an entire church because the pastor gives a sermon that rubs me the wrong way.

There is an element of good, there has to be, in everything. Granted, sometimes enough is enough and walking away (or "throwing away") is the best and most healthy choice.

If you are truly in danger or truly going out of your mind then, by all means, do what you need to do to take care of yourself.

But what I'm seeing in my own life is, more often than not, there are one or two grains of value that make it worth staying at least one more day; trying at least one more time.

How wonderful to have a God who loves me for who and what I am, who and what He has made me to be, and who is so close and loving that He says, "Hey, it's okay... look; I've felt the same way before, myself. Come talk to me."

And He takes us in His arms, hugs us, kisses us on top of the head, and we talk. And peace comes... worry subsides... peace comes. Peace that passes understanding.

And in that exchange, we gain the strength to know we can surely make it one more day. Just like they say in Al-Anon meetings; "One day at a time." In other words, "I cannot imagine the enormosity of handling this for WHO KNOWS how long, and I see no end to it anytime soon... but I know I can handle it for THIS ONE DAY. I can handle it for today." One day at a time.

Thank You, God, for giving us the strength and the wherewithal to make it through TODAY. We can deal with tomorrow when it gets here. Thank You for sharing that You have felt the same emotions we deal with, and thank You for showing us the good example of how you chose to handle those feelings. I love You, Lord. Please stay close to me, and to everyone reading this, all day today. Thanks so much... AMEN!