That's right, I said it. I think I'm giving up on the dating scene for awhile. Kind of worn out, kind of just listening to my heart.
Coming to terms with myself.
Learning that it's okay to just want to be single.
I am tired of dating websites, tired of getting my hopes up and being let down, tired of feeling crazy for people who end up just wanting to be friends.
Though I am currently doing as much to someone else... a friend... who I find physically attractive but have confused feelings for. She acts like she has feelings for me. I need to have a conversation about that with her sooner rather than later. I don't know how I feel about this or how I'm going to handle it.
I just don't have that WOW feeling about anyone right now. I'm tired, also, of searching for it. I don't want to "settle" for a relationship I really don't want. It will eventually end, and I will have wasted years of both our lives.
So I think I'm just going to live for awhile. Take care of my pets, pay my bills, pay attention to God... I'm really not lonely. Maybe a little depressed. I need new things in my life, for sure...I need new happiness. Life is feeling a little pointless lately. I find purpose in caring for animals. Not much else lately.
I even have a few friends I could do without. But a friendship can be backed away from much easier than the pretense of a romantic relationship. Explanations are not required. Nothing formal needs to be done... I can just fade away. I know that the company I choose is just that -mine to choose.
I get scared that I'm turning into my mom and her mom before her. At some point they just kind of curled into themselves and locked the door, so to speak. I don't want to become that.
Neither, though, do I want to do anything irrational to avoid becoming that. To do so would be ridiculous.
Sittin here outside Coursey CC's on this cloudy day. Nice breeze blowing, beautiful scenery to look at, and Luna by my side. Today is good.
I do intend to stay OPEN to dating. If I get hit with a "WOW" tomorrow and sense potential in it, that's great! I just don't plan on spending time and energy DIGGING for that feeling in vain.
