WOW

WOW. Last night was AWESOME. I have never had a better time sitting outside of a Starbucks and chatting for hours.

Not sure what she thinks of me. Though she did make a comment about how ironic it is that all kinds of people want to get back in touch with you when you become interested in someone… she did say the exact words “interested in someone” while sitting with me.

She is deaf… she can speak just fine, and hear a LITTLE… and relies a lot on lip-reading. She does best with people who are good with sign language. So I’m glad I know some ASL. I want to get to know her better.



She is also a writer. She works on a poetry collection and also is 4 or 5 chapters into a novel. She let me read two poems and the first chapter of her book. Very, very intriguing stuff.

She shared a few very personal things with me... those things are safe with me and will go no further than that Starbucks table where they were spoken. I respect her for her honesty.

LOUD ASIANS!!

At Starbucks. In Towne Center. OR "Centre" if you're all snooty and culturally savvy. Heh...

I am sitting outside because there was a very loud table of Asian patrons... coupled with the very irritating music... had to break outta there. Meeting my new friend who, as far as I can tell, is very cool and very worth getting to know better. I hope she likes me. I mean... I hope she finds me interesting and wants to get to know me too. AND I hope she finds me attractive. Because she is definitely attractive. *grin*

Funny... before, I would not have stopped to wonder if someone would be attracted to me. I would just know they would be. Regardless of all the rest of my pluses and minuses, I'm sure that confidence alone had a lot to do with people being attracted to me. A couple of bad experiences in a row can wear a person down. OIE VEY!! heh...

So... on to other topics.

Actually she is here now so... hehe Later :)

Keepin' It Real

So. I'm getting to know new people. And liking it.

Everybody has their pros and cons if you think of that person in a "more than friends" way - but if I keep it in the frame of friendship, I have not met one person that doesn't rock. I love meeting new people and learning about them. And I guess the element of possibility is exciting. :)

But... right now... the idea of committing to someone and NOT continuing to meet new people... is not appealing to me. I'm not getting INVOLVED with anyone beyond conversation and a little flirting, so far... and I'm liking it that way.

I have met one person who would be totally down for meaningless sex, heh... and don't get me wrong, she's beautiful and a lot of fun to talk to... but that's where it would end with her. She lives far away and has her own boatload of drama... though I appreciate that she is totally open and honest about that, even without being asked. But that's really not my desire.

So I'm tryin' to keep it really real. And be honest, even with myself, which is sometimes harder than being honest with anyone else... :)

Canaan!

Wow. The Canaan Band from MCC in St. Petersburg, FL came an played our service today. It was huge and incredible. Awesome time.



At the end of the service, I prayed while Pastor Keith was talking about the communion. "Lord, x-out my emotions... let your heart flow straight through me to the people I pray for...". I love serving as a prayer partner at the end of services.

I feel like, and pray, that my prayers are prophetic. That they don't come out of my head, but straight from the mouth of God's Spirit. I also know that I am so much happier when my life is doused in God so I'm going to keep praying for that and actively seeking it.

There was a theme in the prayers today: HEALING. God kept saying He uses our wounds to make us fit to convey healing to others. And as, out of our need, we give God's healing to other people, we receive double that in healing from God within ourselves.

Amazing.

I have also been praying for opportunity. Today in church I was thinking, wow, it would be so hard to leave here... and I felt God say with a smile on His face, "You've been praying for opportunity! You need to be ready and prepared when I bring one your way!" Meaning, it could be any form of opportunity (I was initially thinking long the lines of EMPLOYMENT opportunities... but I am reminded... God is bigger than that...) - any form of opportunity, and it could place me anyWHERE! I have an excitement deep in my middle now. God REALLY WAS LISTENING when I prayed that! Heh... kind of like, well DUH Nicole, what'd ya think? But I needed that reminder. I appreciate that excitement and anticipation. I needed a fresh sense of anticipation in my life.

I want to research the concept of "Canaan" because I believe in that lies a lesson for me. :)

can't know

People are so confusing. You think you understand them, then BLAM, you are reminded that you do NOT.

I have this friend… from a long time ago… that I just cannot figure out. I guess I should not be so worried about “figuring her out” because, really, I guess her life is none of my business.

But I seem to be magnetically drawn toward frustration, so my mind is stuck.

When Carrie and I were together, I made a piece of art that represented my perception of her. It was a picture of a shadowed door, long unopened, with scraggly tree branches hanging down in front of it. Because I never felt like I could really get a good understanding of what was going on inside her. I think I’ve felt that way about most people in my life, actually.

“I CAN’T KNOW!!”

A constant grinding to know more, to understand more, to dissect to the point of splitting apart neutrons and protons…

I think I have been this way for as long as I can remember. I wonder why. Woops, there I go again… I think I wonder why more than anyone I know.

I wonder why that is… haha just kidding…

Here’s my theory on me: I think it goes back to some deep craving and yearning to know and to be known. On the deepest level of emotional intimacy.

In a way, it’s been disappointing because I have never found anyone who wanted to know me as deeply as I wanted to know them. But maybe that’s just… maybe they’re right, and I’m strange. Actually, I bet if anyone came nosing around my business the way my brain noses around the business of other people… I would think they were a freak. I would probably get the creeps toward them and avoid them like a bad germ.

So I guess I’m a bad germ. :)

It’s psychology and understanding and KNOWING… I feed on stuff like that. So why in the world didn’t I go into THAT when I was in college… dunno. A million reasons.

And here I sit, with a BA in Social Work and an MBA in Health Care Management, working as a receptionist for a petrochemical giant. I have to believe that God has plans I know not of… and that He is bigger than my weird, winding path of strange decisions.

I bet He knows why. :)