I left her. Yesterday. Moved back to BR with Luna. Left her and RJ and all the cats... I miss the cats.
Breakups SUCK. They are horrible and awful and I wish they could just be clean and done. Gerri was the best breakup associate I have ever dealt with. I have not appreciated that enough until now.
So she contacts me about money for the cell phones, about things she wants back, etc... and every time my entire insides just crunch up and leak sour acid. Picture a car battery that has a brake rotor from and 18-wheeler dropped on it. That's the closest comparison I can make.
But it was so very nice to go to sleep in a peaceful house with no one drunk, no accusations flying, no cursing, no anger... it was also nice not to have to drive an hour and a half to get to work this morning. It was ALSO nice to be able to GET to work on way less than a quarter tank of gas.
I don't miss her. Not yet; I'm sure I will. Right now, though, I am angry, and I am anxious of her... kind of afraid maybe?? Scared of words, not of physical blows. Words hurt almost more, it seems sometimes. She uses mean, vicious, dagger-like words... cut-to-the-bone words. Go-for-the-jugular words.
I miss my cats so much. Where I'm staying now, I can't have them. And I doubt she would ever give them to me later... I especially miss my sweet Hippie. He is my favorite cat, and I would whisper it to him all the time.
This breakup is a final breakup... no more trying again, no more being the definition of crazy... it's over and it's for the best. It just hurts SOOOOO bad!!! Last time, my heart was torn over thinking, 'But she was THE ONE... my forever "one"!' I don't feel that way anymore. She is mean, mean, mean, and far too soppy with Vodka and Bourbon. And when those factors are combined, look out.
Anyway.
Just needed to get that out.
