Sitting here on the porch at the Whistle Stop Coffee Shop in Denham Springs. With my Luna, of course. :) It's a beautiful day, not even hot, and I am loving it out here.
Last night, I broke and sobbed and cried out to God, pleading, "HELP ME!!" Well, that's where it started. The time progressed to me just praying, me just listening, and then Selah joined the picture (my wonderful Alvarez acoustic guitar). Sang some, sang prayers, and listened some more.
I believe God can do the most for me and through me when I am out of my element. That's part of what I understood last night. I've always heard that He has lots of use for the broken. That there is hope for the broken, that He does not discard or give up on the broken, but that brokenness is a time when He can reach into us and make us stronger, make us brighter and BETTER.
Church this morning was amazing. I had asked the Holy Spirit to be with me, to help me, and God's presence was evident to me and to many others in the service.
I'd had to ask a friend for help with gas money to get to church, but was able to swallow my pride and just ask. God is teaching me to accept help, love, and gifts from others. I don't need to argue or feel guilty. God can give His love to me via other people. I had an understanding of that last night.
For the past month or so, I've served as a prayer partner at the end of the service. Sometimes, with all I've been going through lately, I've felt grumbly at the thought of giving to others while I, myself, was hurting so badly. But God has helped me to separate ME from giving... one has nothing to do with the other.
Also today, while I was praying with people, a lady came up and said she just wanted to give me a hug and hopefully get some of the God she saw in me. I gave her a big hug and cried a little after she left, while gaining this understanding: When I am broken, God shines through the cracks.
I am trying to turn a corner with my life. So far so good. I hope to make this blog an outlet for things that will help other people as I learn them. Going through and cleaning it up a bit... ha... and some places where I had used bad language, I replaced with "no appropriate words" because, truly, there were not APPROPRIATE words for how I was feeling when I wrote whatever it was. :)
God is so good and I am grateful when He uses me to show love to people. I just need to keep my head on and not get overwhelmed. It's been a tedious balance for me in the past.
Going see my Ma-Ma now. :) Sweetest lady in the world.
