I am at Starbucks... making worthwhile the time-and-a-half holiday pay the owner of this store is paying his employees on this Christmas Eve. Yes, I am the patriarch of justice...
Blah blah blah, nothing much to say today, but still it helps me to say whatever "nothing" I have in my head.
So many memories are gone! Also, I feel this awful sense of stuck-ness... stuck in the now... I have a bleak outlook on my future. I need something NEW and INTERESTING in my life!! A zippity for my doo-dah. Life for me is so freakin' bland these days. Yuck yuck yuck. I want to move far, far away and have as little as possible to do with my family. Maybe I never should have come back from Dallas. Now I feel stuck. I SO do not want to be stuck. Life is boring. Blah. Humdrum. Let me OUTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I need to talk to Carrie about this because I am silently going crazy. She fusses at me for not talking to her more. I'm just so used to it always being the WRONG time for me to bring up WHATEVER was important to me at the time. But Carrie is not anyone but Carrie. Hopefully she will want to help me feel better and we can plan to move the hell out of here!!! I love her. I will not leave her, but I so want the two of us to leave together. Somewhere NEW. Ughh.
Going to the Christmas Eve service tonight at church. God, I really need something special from you tonight. I need a spark of hope. Hope would really hit the spot for me right now. Thank you... I know you hear my prayers.
