Christmas Eve Eve

Yeah, Dec. 23rd. I'm sitting in CC's on Perkins Rd feeling a little blue. Not sure why. Just am. I guess no one is just happy all the time; that would be weird. Maybe I will try to accept this feeling and enjoy myself in it today. What a concept. Maybe I will go to the Shaw Center and look at art on the 4th floor. I need some more in-person friends. I miss Dallas, hanging out with a group of lesbian couples at somebody's house and just having a good time. I miss my friends in BR that I haven't seen for a long time. One in particular; my friend Brooke. I miss her TONS. Maybe I will text her and maybe we can reconnect. That would make me happy. :)

Cool Nights

I wish I could go back to college, live life over again, be 22 again, live somewhere far away and furrow myself a place in with an artsy, earthy, pot-smoking crowd of lesbians. Lesbians who like indie and folk music and love art. I wish I could actually just pick up my life as it is now, and drop it down right into that kind of setting. Cool nights out by group campfires encircled by lesbians with pets and acoustic instruments... guitars... hand drums... and Carrie beside me, sitting on the stump beside mine.

Life in love and loving life. Life in an RV filled with our pets as we travel the country just for the sake of enjoying it, with our home base somewhere very lesbian and cool like Asheville, NC.

Life is better with your nostrils drawing cool, clear night air and the one you love by your side. I want to go camping with Carrie. Wow. Carrie and a few friends maybe.

(Just not one particular friend. I don't trust her.)

Indefinitely

Yeah, so, today was my 2nd day at home with no work to go to. As many times as I've sat at a desk and longed to be home, this is really the pits.

I have very little money to live on indefinitely. I have a possible great job that will start on Monday and, if that doesn't pan out, I have an interview next week. So I am not without leads... I'm more... without enthusiasm.

Guess I'm a little depressed. Blah. My birthday is Saturday and it is so not a big deal to my family. It's a big deal to Carrie but I feel guilty about that... she's talking about getting me a gift but I'm dead weight to her right now until I'm drawing income again. She doesn't need to buy me a gift. I need only for her to be patient with me until I get back on my feet. She is so wonderful and I am grateful for her.

La tee dah. I would love to be as unconcerned as my cats. They just lay around and sleep, not a care in the world. *grin*

Still I Lurk

Bwaa haa ha... yes I am still here. I had a DAY today... my feelings are all in a rumple and I hope I can just attribute this state to PMS and move past it. Even deleted my Facebook page on a whim, deciding I did not need internet socialization sites to have a life, and deciding I would make the internet a much less central part of my life.

See how well that worked, heh... well whatever. I'm at the library, the "Ghettobrary," as I affectionately named it today... near where we used to live, by LSU. C is visiting a friend of hers nearby. She will be back by soon.

Poor Luna is at home... I should have left her tied outside today but I was worried it would rain on her. Which, it did rain... but now she's trapped in the house with noplace to pee. My sweet girl. We will be there relatively soon. We are close in that we are very near the bridge but not so close in that we have approximately 12 miles to go after crossing said bridge. Hang in there, Lu. We will go for a good long walk when I get home.

I need a walk anyway; shake off some of this mood.

I have a lot of frustrations in life. In many different areas. But, all in all, sometimes I want to just take Luna and hit the road... on foot, of course, as I am currently sans automobile... but head... somewhere, who cares where... and start somewhere new. I doubt that would work. You hear all these stories of these celebrities who left their hometowns and headed to Hollywood with $20 to their name and look at where they are now... I don't get the feeling that would work for me. But, who knows.

Maybe I will start blogging on here again. Facebook does not have a blog really, and I have been missing my little blogging excursions.

I am about to check out a bunch of art books. When I get home (and after the walk with Luna) I am going to hide in the attic which is shaping up into quite the art studio. Maybe I'll make something that will make me feel better. *grin*

Just Like Lu

Luna is my sweet dog. I have had her since 2006 and have gotten pretty attached during that time. Love my Lu.

I think Luna is a lot like me… or else I project my emotions onto her… or else she has been around me so much, she has acquired my emotional expression tendencies.

But, for the sake of this blog, let’s just say that is all true.

Luna and I both:

• Look and/or feel a little sad, a lot of the time, but can easily be made to smile
• Like to explore places a lot of others would just as soon leave alone
• Love to eat
• Are defensive of those we care about
• Are very curious
• Sometimes either don’t hear or just don’t want to listen… we’re not sure of which
• Love to take naps on soft places
• Wish we had a few things we don’t
• Get lonely easily but are always open to making new friends
• Love Carrie, Avery, Abel and Vladimir
• Can usually be pretty patient
• Like being outside
• Think snow is fun
• Love treats
• Are glad it’s FRIDAY!!

That’s all I can think of for now. :o) Here’s to today being over quickly!!

The Wisdom of Gene Simmons

This past Sunday morning, I woke up very early in the Queen & Crescent Hotel in New Orleans. Carrie was asleep. Until I was able to fall back to sleep, I watched the show "Biography" on the History Channel. First they showed one about Meatloaf (...) and then Gene Simmons.

Gene said something that has stuck with me. Basically, no matter what you do, be it rock and roll or whatever career or anything you want to do, you have to work hard at it to be successful. He talked about how you had to WORK HARD if you were a songwriter; not just sit around and wait, hoping to be "inspired." If you want to be successful at ANYTHING, you give it the best HARD WORK you have.

So I am attempting to do my best hard work at school and otherwise. Have to run - more to come... :o)

Mercy

WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH THIS. I AM FINE WITH MYSELF, I READ A PATCH OF SCRIPTURE, AND I AM DANGLING OVER THE PIT I LIVED IN FOR YEARS AND YEARS. SCRIPTURES THAT I CANNOT LIVE UP TO, UNDER THE MENTALITY I USED TO HAVE… NEVER GOOD ENOUGH, UNLESS IT’S PERFECT IT’S NOT GOOD ENOUGH… BUT IT’S NEVER PERFECT, SO IT’S NEVER GOOD ENOUGH. SO I LIVED LIFE FOR YEARS AND YEARS BEATING MYSELF UP, LITERALLY AND FIGURATIVELY, AND HAVE FINALLY ESCAPED THAT RAT TRAP TO WHERE I AM OKAY. I AM OKAY WITH MYSELF. I AM OKAY WITH MY LIFE, MY LIFESTYLE AND MY CHOICES, AND I AM OKAY WITH MY RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD. I BELIEVE STRONGLY THAT HE LOVES ME AND THAT ALL THAT MATTERS IS THAT I HAVE ACCEPTED SALVATION FROM HIM. THEN I GET THIS BIT OF “HOW TO BE AN EVEN BETTER CHRISTIAN” SCRIPTURE… NONETHELESS, DEALT TO ME BY MY SISTER WHO APPARENTLY IS A BETTER CHRISTIAN. THERE IS THEREFORE NOW NO CONDEMNATION FOR THOSE WHO ARE IN CHRIST JESUS. YOU CAN SCRIPTURE YOUR WAY OUT OF ANY ARGUMENT. DO NOT CALL IMPURE THAT WHICH GOD HAS MADE CLEAN. ETC ETC. I AM A CHRISTIAN LESBIAN WHO DRINKS ALCOHOL SOMETIMES. I HAVE ACCEPTED SALVATION BY THE DEATH AND RESURRECTION OF JESUS CHRIST AS A ONCE AND FOR ALL SACRIFICE FOR MY SINS. BUT ROMANS 6 SAYS THIS:
“IN THE SAME WAY, COUNT YOURSELVES DEAD TO SIN BUT ALIVE TO GOD IN CHRIST JESUS. DO NOT LET SIN REIGN IN YOUR MORTAL BODY SO THAT YOU OBEY ITS EVIL DESIRES. DO NOT OFFER THE PARTS OF YOUR BODY TO SIN, AS INSTRUMENTS OF WICKEDNESS, BUT RATHER OFFER YOURSELVES TO GOD, AS THOSE WHO HAVE BEEN BROUGHT FROM DEATH TO LIFE; AND OFFER THE PARTS OF YOUR BODY TO HIM AS INSTRUMENTS OF RIGHTEOUSNESS. FOR SIN SHALL NOT BE YOUR MASTER, BECAUSE YOU ARE NOT UNDER LAW, BUT UNDER GRACE. WHAT THEN? SHALL WE SIN BECAUSE WE ARE NOT UNDER LAW BUT UNDER GRACE? BY NO MEANS!”
…AND IT GOES ON AND ON. THAT PORTRAYS AN IRON ROD BEATING OF PUNISHMENT FOR ANYTHING CALLED SIN; ANYTHING IMPERFECT. I CAN NEVER AND WILL NEVER BE PERFECT! THAT IS WHY I RAN FROM THE CHURCH YEARS AGO; COULD NO LONGER TAKE THE PRESSURE.
I COULD STRIVE EVERY DAY OF MY LIFE TO BE PERFECT AND NOT SIN, AND I WOULD SURELY FAIL EVERY SINGLE DAY. IT’S A DOWNWARD SPIRAL OF FAILURE AND SELF-PUNISHMENT FOR ME. I CANNOT DO THAT. I USED TO CONSTANTLY LIVE THAT WAY – DISGUSTED WITH MYSELF FOR WHO I WAS AND HOW I COULD NEVER MEET THE MARK. PUNISHING MYSELF, HURTING MYSELF EVEN. IT WAS A MILITANT FRUSTRATION AND IT WAS ME AGAINST MYSELF. I COULD NEVER WIN.
I WANT TO KNOW AND LOVE GOD, BUT I WANT MY RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD TO BE BETWEEN GOD AND ME. I AM NOT COMPELLED TO CHANGE MY LIFE. I AM SOLID IN WHO I AM AND WILL NEVER BE ANYTHING BUT WHO I AM. THIS MAKES ME WANT TO RUN AWAY. JUST TAKE OFF AND RUN AWAY. BUT I AM OLDER NOW, AND I KNOW NOT TO DO THAT. I KNOW TO STAY, TO STAND, AND SOMEHOW THIS WILL RESOLVE WITH TIME. I THROW MYSELF ON GOD’S MERCY. I NEED MERCY SO BAD. THIS IS ME, GOD. PLEASE TAKE ME AS I AM AND DO WITH ME WHAT YOU WILL. I AM HELPLESS AND AFRAID.

Hear What I'm Not Saying

I had the weirdest dream last night. So weird that, when I woke up in the middle of the night, I emailed my friend Ana because she was the main character in the dream besides me. Here is a copy of the email with interpretations I looked up and inserted later. (I got the interpretations from http://www.dreammoods.com)

I was in some sort of trouble, or had done something wrong, but I needed help.

Help - To dream that you are calling or signaling for help, suggests that you are feeling lost, overwhelmed, and/or inadequate.

...I was unstable and either just really emotional or on something. You were the calm, stabilizing factor in the dream...

Calm - To dream you are calm denotes a fulfilling life. You find contentment and satisfaction in what you have.

Friend - To see friends in your dream, signifies aspects of your personality that you have rejected, but are ready to incorporate and acknowledge these rejected aspects of yourself. The relationships you have with those around you are important in learning about yourself.

...kind of serving as a liaison between me and the people on the other side of what was going on.

...This was a very strange dream.

Anxiety - To dream that you are experiencing some anxiety in some affair, is a reflection of what you may be feeling during your waking life. You may have repressed thoughts, unexpressed emotions, resentment, and hostility that are triggering your anxiety dream.

Confusion - To dream that you are confused may reflect your true confused state of mind and the nonsensical events of your dream. Isolate the single element in your dream that is confusing to you and analyze the meaning of that particular symbol. Alternatively, dreams of confusion signifies that you are being pulled in opposite directions or do not know which viewpoint is right.

Distress - To dream you or others are in distress represents worries and unhappiness in your waking life.

Fear - To dream that you worse fears are coming true, signifies your resistance to change. You are afraid to confront the unknown aspects of yourself.

...I was not talking,

Silence - To dream that you are silent, indicates an inability to express yourself. You may feel inhibited in voicing your opinion and how you really feel.

...but you were able to interpret what I wanted to communicate. You arranged a meeting between me and two other people... my mom and someone else.

Meeting - To dream that you are in a meeting, suggests that you are learning to accept various aspects of yourself and integrating these various parts.

...I think I needed to be hospitalized for whatever was going on and the goal was to get me to agree to go.

Hospital - To see or dream that you are in a hospital, symbolizes your need to heal or improve your physical or mental heath. Alternatively, it suggests that you are giving up control of your own body or that you are afraid of losing control of your body.

...The meeting was in some sort of train depot setting.

Station - To dream that you at a station, represents a transitional period in your life.

...Outdoors under a wooden porch-type of covering.

Shade - To dream you are in the shade symbolizes protection. There is something that you are trying to keep hidden.
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...You sat down in one side of a swing... the kind of swing on a swingset, where kids sit facing each other...

Swing - To see a swing set in your dream, indicates memories from childhood. You may feel a need to escape from your current responsibilities and relax.

...except this was longer; more space between the two facing seats. I started to climb into the other side of this swing but you waved your finger at me and said, "Ah ah ah..." like, no, don't get on there. I understood that it would not support the weight of two people.

Weight - To dream of your own weight represents self-worth, self-esteem, influence or power or persuasion. It is also indicative of the burdens you carry in life. To dream that you are overweight suggests that you are feeling over-burdened and pressured. You may be carrying too many responsibilities.

...You pointed to a chair on your left.

Chair - To see a chair in your dream symbolizes your need to sit down and take time out to contemplate a situation before proceeding. Or you just need to relax. To dream that someone is offering you a chair, suggests that you need to be open to taking and accepting advice.

...I sat there.

Sitting - To dream that you are sitting, indicates your indecision and not knowing what you want to do with yourself in the near future. It may also suggest that you are idle and doing nothing.

...It was like... in the formation of a dining room table. You were at the end on the right, I was on the long side to your left, then my mom and the other person

Mother - To see your mother in your dream, represents the nurturing aspect of your own character. Mothers offer shelter, comfort, life, guidance and protection.

...came and sat on a bench across from me.

Bench - To see a bench signifies your tendency to procrastinate and put things aside. It also suggests you often take on a passive role instead taking initiative.

...The chair and the bench were made of elaborately designed metal, like iron,

Iron - To see iron metal in your dream, symbolizes harshness, anger, aggression, ruthlessness, and conflict. On a positive note, it may signify strength, endurance, and willpower.

...with lots of swirls and fleur de lis.

Fleur De Lis - To see a fleur de lis in your dream, symbolizes spiritual power and control.

...I looked at you and you nodded, handing me a drawing tablet

Paper - To see a blank white paper in your dream, signifies your desire to make a fresh start in your life. You need to express yourself through writing or art. Alternatively, it suggests that you need to work on being more communicative. To see a stack of papers in your dream, denotes overwhelming responsibilities and stress that you are having to cope with. You are not effectively dealing with the issues at hand.

...and... charcoal or something.

Crayons - To see crayons in your dream represents a period of time where you were more carefree. It is also symbolic of creativity. You may need to think outside the lines into more unconventional thoughts and ways of doing things.

...I remember, I was very scared but you made me feel safe.

Security - To dream that you have a sense of security, suggests that you may be experiencing much insecurity in your waking life. The dream is compensating for your lack of security. You need to feel well-protected, both physically and emotionally.

...I knew you wouldn't let anything happen to me. You encouraged me that it was ok to express myself and let people know what was going on inside me.

...You talked to my mom and whoever, and I started drawing.

Drawing - To dream you are drawing, represents an expression of your latent creative and artistic abilities. You need to show your creativity in your waking life.

...I wasn't listening to what you guys were saying; like a little girl, off in another world while her mom is talking to adult friends.

Ignore - To dream that you are ignoring someone or being ignored, represents some aspect of yourself which you are not paying enough attention to.

...I finished my picture and handed it to you.

Surrender - To dream you surrender suggests you need to rid yourself of past emotions and habits

...I was searching your face

Search - To dream that you are searching for something, signifies the need to find something that is missing or needed in your life. You may be searching for love, spiritual enlightenment, peace or even a solution to a problem.

...to see if you understood my work. You looked me in the eyes for a minute, searching MY face to make sure you understood, and smiled. You reached over and took my (right)hand,

Hand - To dream of your hands represents your relationship to those around you and how you connect with the world. Hands serve as a form of communication. The right hand symbolizes masculine, active attributes. To dream you are holding hands with someone represents your connection with that person.

...squeezed it softly, and said, "It's going to be okay." You turned to my mom and the person, and said, "She's agreed to go." You got that from my drawing. I was glad because I had known you of all people would understand.

...I was still scared, but I knew it would be okay... whatever it was.

Beddie Bye

Time to go to sleep. I'm tired a little and know I need to go to bed, though I'm dragging my feet... well not actually as I am in bed... what to do with me, hahaha...

I have decided that Nasal Decongestants are a gift from God. I've been starting to have another of those horrible earaches again and this evening I found a way to help it drain. Let's have a moment of silence in thanks....

Tomorrow I go again to my really cool job. I am SO grateful for this job!!

My sweet love has been asleep for awhile. She lights my life. I think I'll join her. :o)

Night Out

Went with Carrie tonight to hit a few stores. Didn't get a lot of what we had set out for but got a few things we needed and a few things we... decided we needed... heh...

On the way there, she suggested we eat out and I was in total agreement. We haven't really been out to do something fun in awhile. We ended up at the Hollywood Casino by the river. The buffet was overpriced and not as impressive of some of your cheaper variety buffets, but it was fun. We played a few machines. Overall I think Carrie won $2 and I was in the red. But hey, it was just for fun. We had a really nice time and spent some good relaxing time together. We needed that.

There is a cat who hangs out outside a store near our house. He is SO sweet and cute... looks just like my Vladimir only without the white socks. We gave him some food this evening. I have named him Smokey Lonesome like the homeless guy in Fried Green Tomatoes... plus the store fronts the railroad track that passes through the center of town. Sweet.

My Vladimir... :o) That's him up top, a few months ago. He gets bigger and stronger and sturdier every time I look away from him for a minute! So... later!

Nice night out with my Boo.

Unbridled Mental Rushes

What's that psychological term for... just writing and writing, whatever is in your mind, without filtering it, just letting it flow... well I've been doing that a little, at work really when no one is around or I'm between tasks... and it helps.

I am getting used to my new job and feeling less like a pissed off teenager toward my new "manager"... she has discovered that I am both cool and also good at my work... has also discovered that I am about 7 years older than she is... and has stopped barking at me like a disobedient three-year-old. She seems to have decided we are friends, which is fine with me, but it will take awhile for me to feel the same thing. She's about to go have a baby any day now and I will be in charge of her job... which is Accounting Manager... but I find I thrive when I am dropped into new oceans with no flotation devices... I either discover I can swim or learn how, or somehow build a boat out of floating twigs... you know. I will be fine and I will impress myself and hopefully "Mr. Miller," the owner of the company. So weird calling him that; I haven't called people by their last names since I was in school. Hell, my favorite college professor, who I respect HIGHLY, goes to my church nowadays... and she's even said I should just call her "Linda," not Dr. anything... that's a little weird though, like calling God an unbefitting nickname or something... heh...

It has rained and rained and rained all day today. I have been home for a few hours, from work that is. Carrie and I had our guitars out on the porch awhile and were looking through a Bob Dylan anthology she has. Very nice. Though I do find it very hard to play with her. I strum in a steady pattern and she does her own thing; it's hard to sound cohesive. I got frustrated but tried to lighten up. Anyway we decided to get our guitars out of the humidity so that was that.

She has gone to the store now because she wants to cook on the grill. In the rain? Yes, in the rain. Whatever she says... she's spent a little time with Ms. Ethyl this afternoon so whatever she says is what she will do, and I will not intrude, because all the fights we've had have been when she and Ethyl had been chummy and I tried to go against the grain of whatever she had going on... now I know just to let it be.

Gotta go. Just wanted to say a few things and clear my head. I thanked God today for my life; everything in my life these days is just about great. :o) And I am grateful.

These Dreams Go On When I Close My Eyes

Tried 3x to write a blog about a bad dream I had. It was awful. I want so badly to write it out and get it out of my system but it must not be in MySpace's mind to let that happen this evening. I've calmed down a good bit since I woke up and that helps. I will see what I can do. See, that makes no sense; I need to go back to bed. I took a clonazepam to peter our the HUGE anxiety and knots in my stomach I woke up with... I had been making mistakes and trying to hide them rather than fix them or just confess them to the appropriate person. It was a horrible dream.

Could have come because I forgot to take my meds today... or because I drank champagne with Carrie to finally celebrate our new house, along with taking a muscle relaxer, several pain meds, and antihistamines (fighting the second consecutive ear infection, fighting tooth and nail!!) I don't know, maybe something is trying to tell me something.

Need to go back to bed. The clonazepam is doing its job and my pulse has slowed to at least near normal. I will have to come back to this blog more often; it is such a sanctuary of peace and release for me. Miss you guys who read my stuff. I will update again soon and hopefully more often. Love y'all... good night.

Eavesdropping at CC's

Man: *snaps phone shut" Granted, there's somethin you like better than that. I agree with that. I'm okay with that. I'm not livin there.

Woman: You only live there on holidays.

Man: You can always say, "I'm going back to my house" Like going to a hotel. Do you pay attention to the floor plan of a hotel?

Woman: You don't understand.

Man: I don't think the same way, but I understand.

Woman: *mumbles unintelligibly* Whatever. Don't wanna jump into something. If it's gone, well...

*long period of silence*

Woman: If it's gone, I don't know how to find something like that. Have to go on. We've moved twice.

*long silence again*

Man: Thing is, I don't know what to expect with the increase in value. Because it's so far up, the title won't increase a lot. Especially when you pay commission. I think you're out of it.

Woman: I don't know who would be trying to sell it first.

Man: Only chance you got of selling it first is to Carey.

Woman: 8 would be the max. *mumbles unintelligibly*

Man: I think that's what he was bitching about; the $10,000

Woman: Well you have to negotiate...
---------------------------------------------------
Just a glimpse into the random world of someone else. I have to go to work now, in my own random world, and earn money. Hey, Carrie and I are abotu to move into a really cool house! More to come on that! Have great days everybody!!

Goodbye, Michael

He achieved more than most music artists of all time. He led a unique life, changed drastically and fought criticism. He was accused of things of which the public will never know his true guilt or innocence.



Everybody has a Michael Jackson story. He died suddenly, shockingly, and hopefully went to a better place. Maybe God knew he had all the stress he could take. I feel compassion for the man and for his family.



His life was different from mine, but I do relate to him on the level of feeling different from people around you, expressing yourself, and being rejected as a result. We are all human, and all at least a little alike somewhere on the inside. I find inspiration in that.

Goodbye, Michael.

"Childhood" Written and composed by Michael Jackson.

Have you seen my Childhood?
I'm searching for the world that I
Come from
'Cause I've been looking around
In the lost and found of my heart...
No one understands me
They view it as such strange eccentricities...
'Cause I keep kidding around
Like a child, but pardon me...
People say I'm not okay
'Cause I love such elementary things...
It's been my fate to compensate, for the
Childhood
I've never known...

Have you seen my Childhood?
I'm searching for that wonder in my youth
Like pirates and adventurous dreams,
Of conquest and kings on the throne...

Before you judge me, try hard to love me,
Look within your heart then ask,
Have you seen my Childhood?

People say I'm strange that way
'Cause I love such elementary things,
It's been my fate to compensate,
for the Childhood I've never known...

Have you seen my Childhood?
I'm searching for that wonder in my youth
Like fantastical stories to share
The dreams I would dare, watch me fly...

Before you judge me, try hard to love me.
The painful youth I've had

Have you seen my Childhood.

Music in the Morning

Things that have crossed my mind lately:

Yesterday, walking from work back to the bus stop in the afternoon, the dry grass crunched beneath my feet. I prayed for rain soon... then rethought my prayer and asked for the rainfalls to be scheduled intermittently around the times Carrie and I will be moving this weekend. I figure if God can make it rain, surely He can also schedule the rain around what I need to get done. :o) Then I thanked him for the tiny cloud that rested in front of the sun, if only for a moment... it was a nice moment. Been close to 100 degrees the past 2 days!

I have been making bus friends. :o) One is a girl I talked with for a length of time outside a grocery store waiting for a bus on the way home. I've seen her two or three times since then and we always wave. Two is a chick in a scrib suit who works in a nursing home and loves to talk about her life... merging into new topics at a pace so rapid I can usually not keep up... and I find her hard to understand so usually I just nod, or change the topic to something I feel like talking about. She doesn't seem to mind... or notice. :) But she's friendly, and that is nice.

Three, is a girl I've seen a few times. She works at the Wendy's over by Siegen WalMart. Very thin girl, very dark skin, and these sunglasses that curve around the sides of her face giving her head this cool aerodynamic look. We have talked on a number of occasions. She's nice. Yesterday we spent about 30 minutes on a bench together... waiting, always waiting... and talked a lot until scrub suit chick showed up and comandeered the conversation. For a while there, sunglasses chick and I were sitting there, both leaned forward with our hands clasped and faces down... I laughed inside, thinking it looked like we were having a prayer meeting at the bus stop. *grin* Later I joked with her that if she had some change we should go in the car wash behind us. She could go into one stall, I suggested, and I could go into another, and each get a hose... and have a water sprayer fight. She thought that was a grand idea... but we stayed on the bench.

I know none of these people's names; just their faces, and the same in reverse. But they make my commute-ay that much nicer.

Today a very kind guy gave me change for a $5. Learned after entering the bus that the money machine only takes change and $1's. Always wondered about that... at least now I know. He gave me change for my $5 and I thanked him at least 2 or 3 times. :o)

Tigers lost last night. Sorry to my TX friends, but this is where we will have to part ways for a time. You WILL have your longhorn asses handed to you on a baseball platter this evening. :o) No matter where I roam, I will always be a Tiger fan first and foremost!!

Alright. Off to face the day. Weeeeeeeeeeeee...... heh...

Latina Music and a Torn Lampshade

I'm thinking I should possibly find some line of work I could do from this comfortable chair in CC's on Bluebonnet & Perkins. I think that would suit me just fine.

I've been praying this morning for help to not care what my boss thinks about me. Or about what she more than likely spouted off about me during my absence on Friday. She talks about EVERYBODY behind their back to everybody else. Surely I am not exempt. The harsh realities of life in this world of grownups who still act like children... hmmph.

Carrie and I have a lot to do this week. On Saturday, we went and saw the place we'll be living. It is TINY. Literally we were trying to come up with engineering schemes as to how we will fit two birdcages in there plus three cats and a Luna. Tight quarters... but we will make due. Like Jennifer Aniston's character said in "Marley and Me," "Home is wherever we are." I like that.

So, no, I don't want to go to work today. I need to look for another job. Start calling around again. That's the beauty of temp assignments. When they start pissing me off, I can leave in a crafty way so as not to burn bridges. As far as life and work history and credit ratings... I've already screwed up all that... so I'll just do my best day to day and not worry about the rest.

Sometimes I just want to run...

But I know that when I got there, wherever "there" ended up being, I would miss what I left.

So I stay, live day-to-day, and get by... wishing I had more friends from whom to get a little help. :o)

Lot of packing to do this week. Lots of moving to do this weekend. Lots of schoolwork to do simultaneously.

But in a year, I will have a power-packed master's degree that will have me set to earn a LOT more money than I do now, and set to BE the person who calls the shots instead of the mere underling to whom the shots are dealt.

And I will spend some of my days working from a computer in a comfortable coffee shop chair, just like I am right now.

There is hope even yet.

Life Through My Lens

I did not go to work today. I had quite enough of that whole stew pot this week and so, having ridden the bus almost all the way there, I decided I was not going. Coincidentally, I instantly became sick and had a doctor's appointment. Pretty neat how life works like that......

The fam is having a Fathers Day event tomorrow. Carrie and I plan to attend. She has not yet met the majority of my dad's side of the family. I would worry she might be bored, but where we're going, there will be a pool. So... she will be pleased as a peach. I love my sweet C.

So, for some time now I have been meaning to post this blog... of a group of pictures I took... on my walk to work.

Here is the CC's where I often get off the bus. This is not my FAVORITE CC's, but it is the one that is a part of this story. I do like it there...













So, outside...



And to work we go. Fun, fun... here is Olive Garden... I like the red chips out there; very pretty.



So, Siegen Road is where all this takes place... and this sign stands there to remind me that I still owe money to Conn's. Which I guess propels me further toward my place of employment.



The place where there are no options....



And I mosey my way on to the beginning of the road called Industriplex. And there begins the long leg of my journey.



This is an address from the end of the street where I start out. My work is at 11999.



This is the grass that used to make my toes wet. Before I threw that pair of boots away......



I have been to this place maaany, many times to pee in a cup for this or that job or interview. That's kind of sad... to be so familiar with a pee-in-the-cup facility. I even left my cell phone there once. We've gotten to know one another...





It was cloudy that day. This is my least favorite field to walk through when there are no clouds... because it is a vast plane of shadelessness. It has been HOT lately, too!



Value the small things... :o)




This is the bridge I cross every day. I love living on the edge, boy..... heh...



And here we are.