Wednesday, February 6, 2013

Point of View

Yesterday, I stood outside of Albertson's a few minutes. I was playing a game on my phone, but also watching people... or "people watching," to sound less stalker-like.


I saw women with or without kids, most of whom looked like they were stopping by the store on their ways home from work. I tried to imagine what their world looked like, what their home atmosphere was like, and how their inner-family relationships might be categorized. What were their feelings? Were they going home to a happy, loving husband? To pleasant children who had fun stories to tell from their days at school? Were they going home to, instead, a deplorable situation? There was no way I could tell from glancing at them as they entered and left the grocery store.


As I stood there, lost in thought, I tried to imagine myself going home to a husband and two young kids. Going home to a clean house, nice and tidy, in a nice neighborhood.Maybe elementary schoolers. I pictured a smiling husband dressed in a shirt and tie, kids with colored pictures they were excited to show me... and I felt... smothered.


The thought of a family made me feel smothered.


No time to myself, at all, ever, is what I kept thinking.


And the husband part... nice guy or not, a husband is obviously not for me.


My mom has always told me she was incredibly depressed, all the years I was little. A part of me presumes that could be a part of my feelings of disdain or, more specifically, fear... toward raising a family.


Even with a partner, with adopted children. Though the concept of that carries less apprehension than the concept of the "American Dream" hetero family... I'm still hesitant to embrace that idea


Then I thought about posting those thoughts and feelings in a blog. I imagined mothers and wives reading this and thinking I was a closed-minded, ignorant liberal who had no idea about all the GOOD things they experienced with their families; their spouses and children. I almost didn't post this.


But you know what? These are my thought and feelings. Different than those of others, quite possibly, but nonetheless valid.


Just working through the muddle inside that is me. :)


Everyone has a point of view. Everyone is free to alter their point of view at any time. And everyone's point of view is valid.


Have a happy day :)

Saturday, February 2, 2013

Headline: Crazy Day Ends in Crazy Haircut

Man. I am finally settling down and feeling better. You know I take certain meds once a day. Well today being Saturday, I was out of my weekday routine... and Lena being out of town this weekend, I was out of my secondary "weekend routine"... so it didn't occur to me to take these meds until after 1:30 pm when I started to feel a little wiggy. Yeah... been paying all day for that memory lapse. I cannot imagine what it's like for people who do hard drugs and need a hit. Needless to say, I am beyond grateful that I have never done hard drugs!

Just like my beer. :) And not excessively... just as something I enjoy that makes me happy.

So anyway, after taking a lengthy walk with Luna around 2 or so, then lying back down because my world was still spinning and I could tell my perceptions and emotions were really off... after that, I suddenly got a lightning bolt realization that I needed a haircut! A very short haircut, and a RIGHT NOW haircut!

So. I found a picture on the internet of the haircut I wanted (I've found most hairstylists work better with visual rather than verbal descriptions), threw on some jeans, told my pets Mama would be back before long, and zoomed to the nearest Supercuts.

(Don't be a hater; I am confessing spontanaiety, not wealth...haha)

Albeit, we're talking Supercuts... so while the haircut was indeed freeing and liberating, it is a good bit shorter than I really wanted and... not reeeeeally just like the, um, picture. haha :)

It's alright, though. I've been needing something new.

Plus, when I ride my bike to work, this way no hair will hang out the helmet and no one will know I'm FEMALE so I won't be as scared. (Now if I could just cover up my white... hehehe....) Man, this world we live in today is a crazy place.

This is the pic I INTENDED to resemble:


BUT that is not QUITE how my cut turned out so... you will just have to wait til I get past that first-day-with-new-haircut phase, get a grip on how to style it, maybe let it... GROW a little... then maybe a pic will be posted. *grin*