Blah blah. There is a lot wrong with me. I need to learn to accept myself and be happy or I will remain miserable.
I am always angry and I don't like anyone. I have been finding a reason not to like every person I encounter. No one is right. They're too fat or too skinny,too ugly or too prissy, too poor or too rich, too black, too hispanic, too white... too young,too old, too grouchy looking, too happy looking... and it's not like I think everyone should be like me; I don't like myself either. So maybe I'm trying to drag society into my pit of NONE OF US ARE RIGHT AND NO ONE IS GOOD ENOUGH. That's crazy.
Been like this for awhile... and so I tried a strategy that worked for awhile. I imagined all the people I'd see in a store or wherever were my friends. I'd pretend like, oh look there's soandso... and I would feel happy to see them and I would smile at them. They usually smile back too. Melissa Etheridge was right when she wrote, you will find whatever you are looking for. If I am expecting scowls and rudeness, I will never be disappointed. Maybe take it from another angle.
Even my fat clothes are getting too tight. I have to find a way to stop gaining weight. I need to run again. Desperately.
