I am sitting in CC's on Bluebonnet & Airline. I am so happy right now... not excited or giddy, but just calmly delighted and happy. I'm sure it has a lot to do with the peppermint mocha mochasippi I'm working on and the holiday happiness I'm sensing inside me. This is wonderful!
Tonight was the first meeting of the meetup group I started, called the Baton Rouge Creativity Outlet. The meeting was excellent! 3 people besides me, and we were able to meet in the fellowship hall at MCC-BR. So great to meet these people!! Blake, Elizabeth and Gabe. Very creative and artsy-minded... the kind of people I crave the company of! EXCELLENT!! It was everything I'd hoped for, very inspiring and a good time of hanging out. Smart people with good ideas! And Blake made a hemp bracelet for me! Really good time.
Carrie is here with me, on Priceline bidding for a room for us tonight. I enjoy time alone with her... alone, no people OR pets... just us, and time, and peace and quiet. I value her and feel detracted from when there are always other beings around. I love our pets, don't get me wrong... but tonight... is so very nice. :)
I have been living with Kevin and am just about done. Literally, I have begun stocking my Hyundai Santa Fe with my belongings and am preparing to make it into living accomodations. Maybe even tomorrow night, who knows. It might even be fun. Though my goal is to save up and get my own place asap. Place with a full-size sleeping furniture and electricity and a shower. But in the meantime. :) I'm always up for a new experience. !!
So glad for church tomorrow, and so grateful for sweet Pastor Keith. Totally.
Saturday, November 20, 2010
Saturday, November 13, 2010
squish squish squish
Blah blah. There is a lot wrong with me. I need to learn to accept myself and be happy or I will remain miserable.
I am always angry and I don't like anyone. I have been finding a reason not to like every person I encounter. No one is right. They're too fat or too skinny,too ugly or too prissy, too poor or too rich, too black, too hispanic, too white... too young,too old, too grouchy looking, too happy looking... and it's not like I think everyone should be like me; I don't like myself either. So maybe I'm trying to drag society into my pit of NONE OF US ARE RIGHT AND NO ONE IS GOOD ENOUGH. That's crazy.
Been like this for awhile... and so I tried a strategy that worked for awhile. I imagined all the people I'd see in a store or wherever were my friends. I'd pretend like, oh look there's soandso... and I would feel happy to see them and I would smile at them. They usually smile back too. Melissa Etheridge was right when she wrote, you will find whatever you are looking for. If I am expecting scowls and rudeness, I will never be disappointed. Maybe take it from another angle.
Even my fat clothes are getting too tight. I have to find a way to stop gaining weight. I need to run again. Desperately.
I am always angry and I don't like anyone. I have been finding a reason not to like every person I encounter. No one is right. They're too fat or too skinny,too ugly or too prissy, too poor or too rich, too black, too hispanic, too white... too young,too old, too grouchy looking, too happy looking... and it's not like I think everyone should be like me; I don't like myself either. So maybe I'm trying to drag society into my pit of NONE OF US ARE RIGHT AND NO ONE IS GOOD ENOUGH. That's crazy.
Been like this for awhile... and so I tried a strategy that worked for awhile. I imagined all the people I'd see in a store or wherever were my friends. I'd pretend like, oh look there's soandso... and I would feel happy to see them and I would smile at them. They usually smile back too. Melissa Etheridge was right when she wrote, you will find whatever you are looking for. If I am expecting scowls and rudeness, I will never be disappointed. Maybe take it from another angle.
Even my fat clothes are getting too tight. I have to find a way to stop gaining weight. I need to run again. Desperately.
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