Goodbye, Norma Jeane

Lately, my interests have veered in the direction of listening to books on CD whenever I am driving.  Particularly, I am interested in biographies and in the lives of real people.  I love to hear people's stories; I even have a blog dedicated to people's stories, which I have not written for in a long time.

Moving on... I am currently listening to a book on CD describing a portion of the life of Marilyn Monroe, from the viewpoint of a young man who worked with her during the filming of "The Prince and the Showgirl."  Never having learned much before about Ms. Monroe, I am interested in learning about her.  Simultaneously, I am feeling drawn to learn more and more about this woman with seemingly two vastly different lives; one visible to her public; her fans - and the other lived inside her home, inside her self, inside her own darkness.

Further appreciating my fascination with MOOCs (Massive Open Online Courses... search and find any topic you could possibly be interested in learning about... and they're FREE!), I am currently in a course on futurelearn.com called "Start Writing Fiction."  This is a great course.  To start, we were taught to observe people and make notes for potential development into characters in our works of fiction.  I have made notes on a few people whom I've encountered but have found nothing that really grabbed me...

...UNTIL MARILYN!!  This woman's character makes me increasingly curious.  Thinking about what I've learned about her personality and her life, a story line has begun growing in my mind.  I feel really good about this idea and hope it truly becomes a written work,  put down on paper.

My current "Start Writing Fiction" MOOC discusses researching the type of person your potential character is, what their personality quirks are, what their struggles are, etc.  So I have Googled Marilyn Monroe and have found endless lists of websites boasting biographical information on her and about her life.

And... most of the websites have pretty much the same information to share.

It's like when politicians get a set of "talking points" on a current issue.  Website after website tells the same set of stories about Marilyn.  Born Norma Jeane... her childhood... her three marriages... her start in the world of modeling and then movies... her struggles... her death...

...and that's it.

How sad, how very sad.  This was a PERSON... sure, with talents and looks and fans all over the world... but a HUMAN, with feelings and complexities and dreams and favorite songs and happy memories and tears and childhood friends and... a whole lot of other things, details, that have been edited out.  Summed up, until one woman's entire life can be stated and re-stated in the course of a few similar paragraphs on website after website.

It just made me think.

I hope my life is never summed up so succinctly.

So I will live my own life, one day after the next, making my mark in as many places and in as many ways as possible.  And I will make effort to notice and learn the details about other people, about other people's lives.

I once had a boss in an escrow office who instilled in me how important it was to "document, document, document..." every thing I did, every step I took, and every detail I covered.  Though I was never crazy about that boss, the PRINCIPLE she taught me has always stuck with me.

So maybe that's something I need to do.  Since I love so much to write, and to learn about people.  To document, document, document.  And ensure that people's truths are preserved and remembered.

Because all God's children deserve to be remembered.  Because there is something special and unique inside every one of us, and that needs to be kept as sacred.  Because every one of us is truly special to our Creator.  I want to show God's love to people by putting down in words what He has put down in their hearts.

Acceptance

This morning, I got up and went in my front room with my pets to read in the Bible and write down a few of my prayers and thoughts. I got a lot out of that. Then a book on my shelf caught my eye so I decided to look into it for a little while. The book is called "You Can Heal Your Life" by Louise L Hay.

At first glance, a conservative, charismatic, Holy Ghost Christian as I grew up to be would discount the entire book and never reach to pick it up. In that line of thinking, the initial thought is only God can heal anything about anyone. However, over the years and through my many life experiences, I have learned to be a great deal more open-minded and I'm willing to at least give most things a chance.

My line of thinking there is, I might be able to find a nugget or two at the very least that I either agree with or can edit/amend into a principle I can jive with.

Now I've gotten those prelim's out of the way and can get to my real reason for writing this blog entry.

The beginning of this book talks about the idea that your thoughts determine your reality. What you choose to think about will end up being the truth you experience. I thought about that for a minute, and came up with a very eye-opening application for that principle.

I struggle with not feeling accepted. A lot of times, I feel like people at work or in public or even at church would just as soon rather not have me around. That is a years-old struggle and, granted, it has gotten less problematic for me over time, but still does exist in varying intensities and at various times in my life or in the span of a day.

So I thought, okay, what if I decided to think, "People like me and want me around." I pondered that for a little while.

If I think to myself that people truly like me and desire my company, I bet I will be more approachable, have more smiles have more to contribute to a group setting and - what do you know, I will then feel accepted and probably enjoy life more. I will make more friends, have increased confidence in my potential contribution not only two groups but to individual people and it's all only upward from there!

That really makes sense. Notice, this is not anything vital to my life but it's a step in the direction I feel I need to move in order to achieve personal growth, and possibly to move up eventually in my work place. Who knows?

I remember in high school, the people who were popular were the ones who expressed the most self-confidence. I'm not seeking popularity, but I would like to take that principle and employ it in my life, you know, just to see what happens.

If nothing else, I would like to be known as an all around kind person. And that, to get back around to the central point of doing anything, would definitely display Christ's love in me.

As I began to wrap up my contemplation of this idea, Hippie, my lovable, fat, Maine Coon tabby cat, decided to jump right up in my lap. He landed right in the center of the pile and spread of all the books and notebooks I had carefully arranged in my lap. And what did I do? I started petting him on the head and down his back because, after all, he is my sweet kitty cat and I love him. A light bulb went on in my head! Hippie believes I love him and desire his company. Hippie decided to think, I am liked and wanted. He acted on that, jumped up in my lap, & I instinctively accepted him because that's just the way that works. Pretty cool.

So. I encourage anyone reading this to try the same mindframe this week. If acceptance is not your issue, think about something you struggle with and come up with a new way to think about it. Then live your life thinking that thought, acting on it, and just see what happens. I feel confident you will come away pleased and feeling stronger than ever.

Love you guys!

My Pa-Pa Lovett

Today is October 10, the day, in 1994 when my Pa-Pa Douglas Ray Lovett, Sr. died. I miss him so, so much, and now that I am older I wish more than ever that he was here because there are so many things I wish I could ask him about.

His years growing up, his time in WWII, his many entrepreneurial undertakings, his time at the Ethyl plant, which is now Albemarle, which is where I have now been working for four years.

He was a loving man, a strong Navy man who grew up in Albany, LA and married my grandmother before going in the Navy so she would not find someone else while he was gone. Their first son, my uncle Douglas Ray Lovett Jr, was born in San Francisco. I've been told many times of the train trip from San Francisco back to Louisiana, when all the women with babies spent most of the trip sleeping on the floor of the women's restroom, to nurse and to give their babies a flat place to lie down. So many stories; so few I remember in as much detail as they were told to me... and so very many details I never got a chance to learn.

Pa-Pa worked and officially retired from the Baton Rouge City Parish, but I have no idea which department he worked for nor what kind of tasks made up his work days. He built numerous houses and at least one apartment building that I know of in the North Baton Rouge area. That's where my mom grew up.

When I, the first of what was to be my parents' four children, was very small, Pa-Pa purchased 6 acres of land out in Central. He lived on part of the property, gave part to his son and part to his daughter. And that is where I grew up.

I remember the old pictures of our first Thanksgiving dinner in Pa-Pa's and Ma-Ma's not-yet-completed house. But it was home, and it was family, and it was wonderful.

I remember when Pa-Pa used to give me a ride every morning to where I was picked up by my school bus to go all the way across town to Istrouma Middle Magnet School, which,  all these years later, has been torn down.

Pa-Pa could build anything. He helped my grandmother with her enormous vegetable and fruit garden, he built a large shed in his backyard, he built a chicken coop in the yard where they kept chickens, turkeys, geese, quail, bitty hens... you name it.

On one large end of that yard, he had a large pond dug and stocked with fish so we could learn to catch them. (Every so often, the creek running alongside the lengths of our property would flood and give the pond fish a means of escape, haha)

They had goats, he built them a little house where they ate and lived and had babies. Those goats also kept the grass down to a bare minimum in that large yard. Now it is all grown over, and 2005's Hurricane Katrina knocked down trees that smashed up places in the fence, but that was long after he was gone and, to my knowledge, those things were never repaired.

He built his house himself, of course with the help of others, but he designed it and built it himself for the most part. Now that house and most of the property he purchased is sold and being lived in and enjoyed by other people. It makes me sad, as if we've lost a part of Pa-Pa with his accomplishments going into the hands of other people. But I had no way to stop or change any of that, so I have to accept where life's road has wound, and move forward in my own life.

One day, I long to find my Pa-Pa in heaven and give him a long, enormous hug that lasts for several hundred years. I mean, will have all of eternity before us so what's a few hundred years? Haha

Then I want to take him and we can go for a long walk, just the two of us, down a golden street next to water that shines like pure glass and he can tell me stories and answer questions and he can probably ask questions and I will tell him about my life if he wants.

I remember him to be a big-hearted man. My mom always seemed to me to be a daddy's girl and I know she will be elated to see him again also. But I will have some time with him of my own. I was his Coley, not his first granddaughter but his first granddaughter from my mom and I really believe we had something special. He made me feel special. He made me feel unconditionally loved.

I don't know what his reaction would have been, had he been around at the point in my life where I figured out my lesbian identity. I'm actually kind of glad he wasn't here, because that might have been a sticking point between us and I would have hated that, though I could not have denied my true self as I tried to do for many years before I finally admitted it and moved forward with my life.

In heaven, I'm feel certain that will be a non-issue and the prevailing theme of everyday will be love. Just like Jesus said during his time on earth, "Love one another as I have loved you." That will be the prevailing theme of every single day in heaven and grievances and offenses will have no place there. Not just a concept but a true real life tangible reality.

I love you,  Pa-Pa. I can't wait to see you again. I know we will have years of stories to tell each other and will create more stories and memories once we are in heaven together. Tell Jesus I love him...  not that I can't do that myself from here, but please tell him in person.

I love you, I miss you, I look forward to eternity and having more time with you and others that I love who have gone before me. That's all for now.