Yes, I truly feel like a genuine river rat now. We have moved into the lovely area known as LaPlace. Very close to Newco and something along the lines of New Narby. We live right on the river road, looking out the window at the levee to the great Mississippi River.
Our accommodations are somewhat less than glamorous. This is a one-bedroom mobile home with scratched, squeaky floors, gaps between the tops of the bedroom and bathroom doors and their respective ceilings, scratched paneling and complete with the stereotypically appropriate, yes, aluminum foil on the bottom halves of all the windows.
BUT!! It's actually nice. It's C and me and alllllllll our kids under one roof which is much bigger than the extended stay hotel room we had thought we might end up living in for a few months. There is no one unwelcome and no on-site judgmentalism.
No more sloppy, no more sink full of chummy dishes, no more "Can I borrow your car to drive to Murphy's to pay for a pack of cigarettes with $3 in change?" No more lazy anything to resent.
I do miss Abel. A lot. But I think I'm gonna stay away from the homestead for awhile, outside of going to collect the rest of my belongings, at least until my family expresses any faint degree of interest in where I went, where I am living, and if I am ok.
They won't. I don't think. But whatever.
I wish I could have contact with my sweet nephews and not have to go through my family to get to them. But that's just how things work, which is logical... just expressing a feeling.
Another drawback is the length of my commute to and from work and the cost of gasoline to do that... but it will all work out, in the words of my wonderfully sweet Ma-Ma.
Good points: access and proximity to the previously-mentioned levee, a new, totally new area to live in and explore with my sweet Luna, weekly rent to be split with C, distance from my family and all the crap that comes with them (though I do love them... just need some space), AND the close-by Bonne Carre Spillway. We can sho have some fun down by the water, yes indeed!
I have to change my facebook name now... from Stray Cat to River Rat. hahaha
Love it. Life is good. Today, life is good. Gonna take this one day at a time and let each day be good on its own. Worrying too far into the future is way too heavy.
Sunday, January 16, 2011
Thursday, January 13, 2011
She's Back!!
Yesssss indeed... I had another Mariska dream last night. I was actually having it this morning when my alarm was going off. I kept snoozing because it was just... absolutely wonderful.
We were together off and on, like she would be there with me awhile and then gone... but then come back. I was keeping her camera for her and I got so excited about peeking at a few of her pictures while she'd be away. But not very much because I didn't want her to catch me and think I was weird.
Actually Detective Stabler (right, I know...) was there with me when Mariska was gone. He was helping me look for her.
She was so glad to be with me... like fresh, new love... it was exciting! She would walk up to me, hold me firmly and say, "I want to kiss you like no one's kissed you before!" WOW... it was amazing.
Everything in the dream was... clothed... but that added to the excitement of it all. Because what you haven't had is that much more exciting. Come to think of it... Mariska and I have never had sex in a dream. Only kissed, talked, held each other, and kissed more. Hmm... I need to research that. Probably says something about my subconcious whateverness.
She said at one point she liked me better butch. No one has ever said that... in fact, everyone I've dated has been very against me butching it up. They've always been all for long hair and all that. But Mariska said she thought it would be hot if I was more butch. And I cut my hair and styled it all hot, and she just about turned to BUTTAH. It was aMAZing. And I was actually taller than her, which I'm really not because she's a very tall woman. So I took her on my arm, all debonair, and strode around with my sexy, starry-eyed lady.
She is so beautiful.
Maybe these dreams represent things I really wish for but think I can never actually have. Well, you know, I don't care. I just love when she visits me at night, and loves me and kisses me and holds me close.
It makes me want to stay asleep. Always. :)
We were together off and on, like she would be there with me awhile and then gone... but then come back. I was keeping her camera for her and I got so excited about peeking at a few of her pictures while she'd be away. But not very much because I didn't want her to catch me and think I was weird.
Actually Detective Stabler (right, I know...) was there with me when Mariska was gone. He was helping me look for her.
She was so glad to be with me... like fresh, new love... it was exciting! She would walk up to me, hold me firmly and say, "I want to kiss you like no one's kissed you before!" WOW... it was amazing.
Everything in the dream was... clothed... but that added to the excitement of it all. Because what you haven't had is that much more exciting. Come to think of it... Mariska and I have never had sex in a dream. Only kissed, talked, held each other, and kissed more. Hmm... I need to research that. Probably says something about my subconcious whateverness.
She said at one point she liked me better butch. No one has ever said that... in fact, everyone I've dated has been very against me butching it up. They've always been all for long hair and all that. But Mariska said she thought it would be hot if I was more butch. And I cut my hair and styled it all hot, and she just about turned to BUTTAH. It was aMAZing. And I was actually taller than her, which I'm really not because she's a very tall woman. So I took her on my arm, all debonair, and strode around with my sexy, starry-eyed lady.
She is so beautiful.
Maybe these dreams represent things I really wish for but think I can never actually have. Well, you know, I don't care. I just love when she visits me at night, and loves me and kisses me and holds me close.
It makes me want to stay asleep. Always. :)
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Coffee-Dropping
Not a whole lot like Mallory. She's more... that's how she comes off. Like does she know guys... we should go there!
We'll figure it out.
For now. Until somebody cheats on someone. Always. It's kinda therapeutic though.
I like that only on Fridays cause I've had that drive all my life.
--------------------------
Okay my interesting table neighbors left. Now sitting at their table is an attractive woman who KIND of dings my dar... but who knows.
So much for that project. On to more interesting ways to spend time.
Oh, I did have an interview today. For a job with Honeywell, although it turned out to be temp and not perm. I want a permanent job SO BADLY!! I have been temping for TWO YEARS. But this job does pay well. Better than anything I've had before except for the Road Home. I don't know.
Ooh nice... dar girl had another cutie sit at the table with her. Nice. I am so envious of these women who are apparently in my age range but have kept so much better care of themselves than I have. It all boils down to, I've been lazy.
But I'm not going out running or biking tonight, no way! It is getting down into the 20's tonight and several nights this week! Wow that girl is cute. She's got the makeup thing down pat. I'm not so good with makeup. Never really have been. But that's why she is her and I am me... we are different. I bet there are things I have she wishes for. Like my wonderful pets and the incredible love I know!
Why anyone would want a man when women are so beautiful is beyond me. Just sayin'... :-)
We'll figure it out.
For now. Until somebody cheats on someone. Always. It's kinda therapeutic though.
I like that only on Fridays cause I've had that drive all my life.
--------------------------
Okay my interesting table neighbors left. Now sitting at their table is an attractive woman who KIND of dings my dar... but who knows.
So much for that project. On to more interesting ways to spend time.
Oh, I did have an interview today. For a job with Honeywell, although it turned out to be temp and not perm. I want a permanent job SO BADLY!! I have been temping for TWO YEARS. But this job does pay well. Better than anything I've had before except for the Road Home. I don't know.
Ooh nice... dar girl had another cutie sit at the table with her. Nice. I am so envious of these women who are apparently in my age range but have kept so much better care of themselves than I have. It all boils down to, I've been lazy.
But I'm not going out running or biking tonight, no way! It is getting down into the 20's tonight and several nights this week! Wow that girl is cute. She's got the makeup thing down pat. I'm not so good with makeup. Never really have been. But that's why she is her and I am me... we are different. I bet there are things I have she wishes for. Like my wonderful pets and the incredible love I know!
Why anyone would want a man when women are so beautiful is beyond me. Just sayin'... :-)
Sunday, January 2, 2011
Out With the Old
Church today. It was pretty good! The message was "Out With the Old, In With the New." Really stuck with me and I hope I continue to understand it even more deeply.
Blah blah. I don't feel really happy right now but at least I'm by myself so I don't have to ACT happy. Except Luna is out in the car. But she's a dog. Anyway.
Out with the old, in with the new... my mom did give me a journal for Christmas...
haha
Bye for now.
Blah blah. I don't feel really happy right now but at least I'm by myself so I don't have to ACT happy. Except Luna is out in the car. But she's a dog. Anyway.
Out with the old, in with the new... my mom did give me a journal for Christmas...
haha
Bye for now.
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