So It’s My Birthday... I Hope I Have Fun...

Yeah, John Lennon... anyway... so today I woke up 33 years old. Lying in bed, I thought for a moment to see if I "felt" older. I concluded that I did not; I still feel the same as I did yesterday. Which I guess is good. Only difference I can sense it that... well I've always felt like people viewed me as a kid, even all the years I've now been an adult. And every birthday, I feel a sense of accomplishment... not a sense that people do NOT view me as a kid... but... that I care less and less every year. *grin* heh... So maybe I view my SELF as less of a kid.

Woke up this morning in Port Arthur, TX at Carrie's aunt and uncle's house where we ate Thanksgiving dinner yesterday. Beth and Kenny are very cool. Just a little younger than my parents; I don't know, my dad and Kenny might be the same age come to think of it. The two of them and Carrie are out in the garage smoking. I went out there awhile, while I drank my coffee, to be sociable and to be a decent guest. Came back in when I'd reached my tolerance level of cigarrette smell, ha...

I feel a bit introspective today and so I value some time alone, even though I am at someone else's house. This family makes me feel very comfortable and accepted; kind of a come-as-you-are theme around here, which is truly Christlike and very commendable. I am sitting alone on their sofa in their living room, using their laptop... it's all cool.

Carrie has promised me we can do whatever I want today since it's my birthday. I want to get back to Baton Rouge as soon as possible because I want to see my cousin Heather and her two men... husband Pete and little dude Tyler... who is SOOOO cute... but I haven't seen them in a long time and I want to get a chance to visit, if only for a little bit, before they head back to the tip of Florida. And I want them to meet Carrie. I want everyone to meet Carrie and proclaim, unspoken, "This is HER!! Isn't she great!!" Especially to those in my family I feel more sure will be receptive toward her. Heather is one of those. My buddy cousin from way, way back. She is 4 months older than me to the day. We grew up together, making up clubs and plays and dances and games and you name it... anyway it's important to me to see her today.

I know Carrie promised her grandmother last night that we would be by to visit her before we left town. Her grandmother is awesome. But I want to see my family as soon after that as possible.

So here's to being 33 and hopes for a good day!

Late Night

Well here I am again, on the couch. And there is Carrie again, asleep to my right... we really don't do this every night. *grin* Nah, she's just been feeling bad... saw a doctor today, got some medicine too... consequently, she's down for the count. I woke her up a little, earlier, and said, "Baby, you wanna come to bed? You'll be more comfortable..." She just smiiiiiled and nodded and mumbled something... and she has not moved since. I just wanted to make sure she wasn't going to wake up sore from sleeping "all in a pretzel," as she has put it before. She is so beautiful. I love watching her sleep and love knowing her worn-out body is getting a chance to rest.

So here I stay, faithful, by her side... sweet, I know... You know, I'm a real catch! *grin* I am a CAUGHT catch and very happily so. Life is so good right now. I finally feel like things are falling into place the way they should. I mean just in my feelings... there are some details in my life that are not quite as they should be... like... needing a job and... owing all but my soul to way too many different debtors... but at least I feel like I'm in a good place and on the right track.

I have been applying and even interviewing like a mad banshee with no results yet... minus one temp-to-perm position I was offered without even an interview... but that was not at all right for me. Long story; just trust me on that one. Today I went around applying at lower-caliber places... as in, not offices, but stores and such. I applied at Tuesday Morning... I would LOVE to work there, get to see all the things they sell and get a discount... my small piece of heaven, heh... Only thing is, the very low rate of PAY... but something is more than nothing, so we'll see what comes of it.

I also applied at Pearson's Luggage and Gifts... one of those places where people with money buy things I would probably get at WalMart, heh... and I applied at a froo-froo grocery store... and at Chili's, where I am to return tomorrow and take a personality test. Waiting tables can bring in some money, if people tip right, especially during the holidays. So we shall see!

ALSO, I have an interview on Monday with a business office place. It would pay better, but be a lot less fun. I wish the fun jobs paid better. Wish in one hand... right? Yeah yeah. :o)

My dad's birthday is tomorrow. I believe he will be 52. Young dad, compared to the dads of a lot of people I know. I made his present earlier. He's going to like it. I just know he is. I feel all squirmy-excited like a little kid. Take a look:



He's "Daddy" to me but, now that Abel and Avery are around, he has become "Pa-Pa Kevin." Yep, there's my dad looking SO "That 70's Show"... and little me. Cute, yes, I know. *grin* That is a very realistic portrayal of him back in the day, though! He was all groovy and stuff. Sssssssolid, man. heh....

Sometimes I think it would be cool to sell South Park pictures of people, like at a fair or art show or something. It's a kind of caricature; a picture of them with South Park-shaped features... with the details reflecting something about their life or personality. I've done a bunch and all the people I've done them for have loved them.

I need to go to bed. Maybe I can get Carrie to accompany me if I try again. The way she's laying looks pretty uncomfortable... but she is sleeping very deeply. I love her with my whole heart. I know what I am thankful for this Thanksgiving. :o)

Knot in the Throat

Well whaddaya know, it was bound to happen, but I have been friend-requested by a long-ago ex. I should have expected it; she's come up in conversation a number of times in the last few days. Today Carrie and I went to Macaroni Grill after church and were talking about past experiences that were tough. So anyway... now I have a friend request. And I don't want to accept it... but I also don't want to refuse it; experience has shown me that is a good way to invite drama. I am in another state, almost 500 miles away, in a wonderful relationship with the most wonderful woman I have ever known. Ahh, life...

Carrie has an ex very much like the one I had. They had a similar relationship to the one I had with this girl; good and bad in many of the same ways. And so I understand when her ex is trying to contact her; the questioning whether to respond, or how... we each understand for the other.

I want to just leave it alone and move forward. Leave it alone and move forward. Leave it alone and move forward.

I think I know how to handle this. Hiding never made anything better; just even more dramatic.

My sweet, beautiful life partner is asleep to my right on this sofa in our little duplex. I thanked her earlier today because she makes me feel peaceful; I know I can trust her and that she will not hurt me. Thank you, God, for my Carrie. I am blessed.

Faith is Seldom Fun

I am, once again, between jobs. By no wrong of my own; my last two gigs have been temp assignments... the latter of which paid me less than a respectable wage, but was better than what I would have made otherwise in that time period, which would have been nothing. Long sentence. Anyway... just biding my time, filing my bills for someday, and avoiding collectors, which seems to be the story of most of my adult life.

Last week I had two interviews for state jobs which both would have been great... and I'm not saying I *didn't* get either of those jobs; I just haven't heard back from either, so far.

Tomorrow I have another state job interview... I like the idea of state jobs, because it's a pretty secure system to work in. Regularly scheduled reviews and percentage increases, lots of chances to advance or transfer, and insurance... I love insurance. I had insurance in 2007, for the first time in a long time, and I got some fillings and a nice root canal/crown job done. Insurance is nice.

I also have an interview next Tuesday with a very large company that supposedly really likes my resume and supposedly will pay me well... supposedly very well, though the definition of "very well" can vary from one person's perception to the next. It would be a contract job for 18 months through an agency, and then potentially permanent. Which would be sweet. But "contract" does not include insurance; however, if the "very well" level of pay is enough, perhaps I could get my own. Or maybe through the agency.

Here we have an example of Nicole writing just to write. I haven't in awhile and it helps... kind of a "mind-purging."

I'm at home with Carrie. I'm watching Criminal Minds with the occasional glance of my left eye... mostly listening... reclining caddy-cornered on the sofa with two little pillows behind me, legs folded up indian-style. Carrie is on her computer too, filling out forms online for school. Luna and Vladimir are playing... toussling around, you might say... it's cute. Luna needed somebody new to pal around with. The other 2 cats are old codgers who have no use for a dog; Vladimir is a frisky kitten who still has his "pair" and was not afraid of Luna from day one... I think it took Luna longer to get used to Vladimir than vice-versa, ha... but the two of them run around and chase each other, sometimes play with a toy together. It's cute. I know Luna misses having a dog to rough around with. She misses her old pal Lo... when I pet her head and talk about Lo, she looks all sad.

My next-door neighbor has a huge dog named Bruce. Bruce is part great dane and part... not sure, but he has a beautiful coat... he looks kind of like swirly ice cream. Here's a picture:



Anyway, he and Luna don't really groove together. They aren't at odds; just don't seem to have much interest in being friends.

I said faith is seldom fun because having to wait for an answer, even when you know deep down it's going to come, is often grueling... tiring... frustrating... sometimes depressing... etcetera. But SOMETHING has to break open SOME time soon... and it will. I just need to wait, trust, and do what I know.

Here's a crazy pic of my grrl a month or so ago when we were down in the French Quarter... she's awesome. Carrie is so good to me and I am grateful to have her in my life.



I love her, love her, love her. Carrie just makes life that much better. :o)

Hanging in there,

Nic