Ramble On...

I have been flooded with memories lately. Strong images like after I've awoken from an especially vivid dream. Weird.

People. Places. Times. Situations. Feelings.

Weird.

Tonight, at a red light on the way here, I was washed over with the feeling I've had before of being alone in a strange place... perhaps travelling, maybe the feeling I've had when I've just moved into a new town. Driving, at night... all you see is lights... brake lights, tail lights, head lights, traffic lights... all very cold and distant... the feeling is of isolation with an undergirding of fear. There are people all around but you can see none of them. Not one person knows you or cares where you came from, where you're headed, if you will make it there okay... scary. I felt that when I was 23, driving in the middle of the night from Baton Rouge headed to Tulsa to visit a friend at Oral Roberts University. I got lost around Texarkana, where 49 and 20 and Shreveport all meet, intermingle, and confuse. Scary. I was crying.

But I made it. Obviously; it's about 10 years later now and here I am. Ironically, I know that conjugation of interstates and roads well enough now, having driven so many times between here and Dallas... went north on I-49 and turned left at Shreveport, getting onto I-20 after a connection or two.

I encountered that same feeling when I was new to the huge city of Dallas, Texas. It's a kind of take-your-breath-away knot in your stomach that actually provides a sort of rush for me. I crave that feeling. I guess I'm bored with my life lately. I crave that sense of newness, of feeling unsure and a little insecure but holding, at the same time, a shaky confidence.

I am so sick of living in Baton Rouge. Carrie and I have talked about moving to Austin one day. Of course, back in reality land, we can't just pick up and do that tomorrow... but as soon as she says she's ready, I'm going to race her to the car and win. hehe...

I don't even care... Atlanta... Chicago... I was thinking today of how much I would love to live in California. I would LOVE to live in California.

Dare to dream. I feel so pressed and cloistered by the demands of life. As I've blogged about before, it all seems to boil down to money. I need to save up. Pay stuff off. Always, always, I need a better job. My temp assignment right now pays me a whopping NINE DOLLARS AN HOUR... I console myself with the thought that my hourly rate become $13.50 once I pass the 40-hour mark. Which I do, by far, every week.

And this is just temporary; I work for a clean-up-after-several-hurricanes recovery group. Initially it was a month or three assignment. I'm looking for higher paying work behind the scenes anyway.

I'm rambling. I just have a lot to say and no one to say it to. I drank a beer, took a nap, and woke up with a lot on my mind. I'm now sitting on a padded bench at CC's on Burbank Ave. This is my favorite seat here. I'm at the right end of this long bench. To the left of me is a painted metal pole/column that contains power cords or somesuch nonsense... and then, past that, are other people. So no one is close to me. I actually feel old, often, in this CC's because it is so freaking full of LIKEs and OMIGODs and like... totally... undergrad college students in their early 20's.

I miss being in my early 20's. Life is a huge mystery awaiting you, and you're at the very beginning of the road of your life. I will turn 33 the day after Thanksgiving this year.

I could find a new way to feel about life in its current form. I suppose it's my decision, how I choose to perceive the world. (Do you know that every time I type the word "perceive" I pause and recite "i-before-e-except-after-c" in my head... just one of my quirks, heh...)

Being here tonight reminds me of living in Dallas, very close to Richardson and Addison. 5850 Belt Line Rd apt 706, my favorite place to live while I was in Texas and the only place I lived in Texas where Mandie never lived with me. Times were good. I was dating Gerri who lived an hour and a half north in Sanger and was also always working nights so I had plenty of time on my hands. Most evenings I would end up in one of several nearby Starbucks locations. It became my own kind of little retreat and niche of comfort.

Sometimes I feel like I talk too much. Carrie is so nice because she says she loves to hear me talk. The last person I dated told me often to stop talking; that she preferred silence. Preferring to hush than quabble over it, I hushed. Whatever. It's nice to be offered... verbal freedom... once more, though I do kind of feel like a freshly hatched little bird... exploring an environment I had been walled off from, and awkwardly learning what my legs are for.

I'm ending this now. If anyone reads it, hopefully you found it entertaining. Hasta manana, muchachas.

POLITICS...

I have been having a back-and-forth dilemma over who will get my vote for President. I keep finding reasons to change my mind. While I won't go into those reasons, I feel that there are several valid reasons to vote for either candidate.

I WOULD, however, like to repost a piece of this article I found about Sarah Palin. I just wanted to scream when I read the closed-mindedness and ignorance of this comment she made. Take a look and form your own opinions. I will say this, though... I don't want this level of ignorance in the administration running the country I call home.

Here's part of this article from the Associated Press on Monday 10/20. I will hilight the phrase that boggles my mind and turns my stomach.

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Palin breaks with McCain on gay marriage amendment

NEW YORK – Republican vice presidential nominee Sarah Palin says she supports a constitutional amendment banning gay marriage, a break with John McCain who has said he believes states should be left to define what marriage is. In an interview with Christian Broadcasting Network, the Alaska governor said she had voted in 1998 for a state amendment banning same sex marriage and hoped to see a federal ban on such unions.

"I have voted along with the vast majority of Alaskans who had the opportunity to vote to amend our Constitution defining marriage as between one man and one woman. I wish on a federal level that's where we would go. I don't support gay marriage," Palin said. She said she believed traditional marriage is the foundation for strong families.

McCain, an Arizona senator, is supporting a ballot initiative in his state this year that would ban gay marriage. But he has consistently and forcefully opposed a federal marriage amendment, saying it would usurp states' authority on such matters.

As governor, Palin vetoed a bill that would have denied benefits to the partners of gay state employees. In a debate with Democratic rival Joe Biden, Palin said she was "tolerant" of gays and said she supported certain legal protections for same-sex couples, like hospital visitation rights.

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I don't know what planet this woman lives on but "traditional marriage" does not guarantee strong families any more than the "Just Say No" campaign guaranteed fewer kids would try drugs and alcohol. The strength of a family is based on the love and relationships within it... not on the gender of the people who make up the family.

Fuck Sarah Palin. I cannot see myself supporting a candidate or running mate with such a limit on his or her realm of ideas they will evaluate and possibly deem acceptable. This world is a big, diverse place. APPARENTLY, there are some people who want everyone to stand in a line and be made identical according to the standards pounded into THEM all their lives. Fortunately, that is not an option.

Yes, the closed-minded must continue to procreate within their own ranks. Maybe in time they will all be so inbred they will go extinct.

Gretna Heritage Festival

Carrie and I went to the Gretna Heritage Festival two weekends ago and had lots of fun plus a few daiquris. Here are a few shapshots of the fun and frolic-ful evening. I love my girl.

This is early on, and an amiable stranger offered to take our picture. Sweeeeet.



Some of the upscale scenery...



My babygurl lookin all cute...



We saw this chick play for a little while. She was awesome! Her name was Irene something. Maybe Sage?? Anyway that was a GREAT show.



Yeah, I'm pretty sure her name is Irene Sage. Carrie got her CD. Sweet.

A little blurry, but here's a shot of the scenery once it got dark:



We are just too cute...



...and sometimes very silly. Very cool. Very!



And, because it was just a few days before our 6 month landmark, we got these little rings. They were nothing fancy and very inexpensive, but just a cute little keepsake and a sweet symbol. I love, love this girl... damn!!



And we lived happily ever after. Life is good. Later!!

leeeeeeeeeeave me aloooooooooooone...........

Things Wrong With My Life:

1. I forgot to pay a traffic ticket that was due last week.

2. There's a warrant out for me in another state because of a traffic ticket I never paid there... for a vehicle I was driving that was not even mine... and I got pulled over and ticketed because the inspection sticker was out of date. I forgot about the ticket because it wasn't even my vehicle... but now they're after my ass wanting close to $500 for an expired inspection sticker on a Ford Explorer that does not belong to me. I don't have that. Sorry...

3. I am behind in my car insurance

4. I have a job for the time being but it's just temporary and doesn't pay much.

5. I have a car payment coming up due in a week and a half and if I don't make it, that was my last chance with the finance company.

6. I feel like a failure in general and like the world is pressing down on my back.

7. I am so sick of being behind the 8 ball... never enough money, lately can't count on my current job being there the next day no matter how hard I work...

I don't want to die or anything; I just want to escape. Or to overcome... it's just so fucking frustrating. Never enough, never good enough. I mean fuck it. There was a time in my life when I responded to pressure by wanting to punish myself in some way. I'm not out to get me anymore. I just want to get away. I just want the pressures and stresses to get away from me.

I just need a load of money to fall from the sky. I'm sick of this fucking rat race. The largest problems in my life exist because numerous sources want money from me that I do not have to offer them. That's about it. Of course, they want money that I owe them for some reason or another, but the point is, I do not have it.

No comments on this blog. Just needed to get this off my chest. Though it's not really off my chest; I've just aired my fucking drama crap for the world wide web to read. Ta-dah.



Read more: http://www.myspace.com/etheridge26/blog?page=6#ixzz0x5FEqTZE

The Story

Life is so full of stories... and pictures tell stories so well. Here are a few snapshots of life from Nicole's point of view. (heh... don't be afraid!)

When I was 17, I went with my youth group on a mission trip down to Huejutla, Mexico. 10 hours down into Mexico, in the mountains, is a place very different from here.







There were some utilities but they were very limited. Hence this picture of my friend and me washing clothes in cement sinks with "scrub boards" in the bottoms... probably like my grandmother did back in the Great Depression. Heh... and like we might be doing again here soon if the economy doesn't pick up! (kidding, kidding...)



The girls on the trip pretty much had to dress like Pentecostals... no makeup and long skirts. But we had fun. This is me singing "The Sound of Music"... yeah... the heat gets to ya.



Moving backward in time... back to the US, at the Centroplex in Baton Rouge... here is me with my Pa-Pa at my high school graduation. He looked so handsome, all decked out in his suit and tie. I always loved my Pa-Pa... I was his Coley. He was always very sweet to me. He died about a year later and a half after I graduated. I miss that old toot...



Going back even further... I'm not sure what year this was... but this was our dog Lady. She was a good ol' girl. Soft, long hair and shiny blue eyes. She was a sweetie.



This is my sister with Lady on my grandparents' frozen pond. It so seldom freezes down here in Louisiana... we had fun whenever it did.



I would like to note here that little Vladimir is asleep on my chest as I'm reclined on the couch writing this blog. Wish I could get a picture but if I so much as move to get a camera, he will run off and this sweet little moment we're having will be over. Awww. Sweet little Vladimir. Avery calls him, "Vaa-da-MEER-a!" *grin*

Long time ago, here's a shot of my brother Kevin... Avery's dad... riding his horse which we still have out in my grandmother's shed and which Avery himself likes to get on whenever he can! Cute, cute...



This is my brother Matt when he was born. hehe...



This is Danny Callihan in the 5th grade. I had a crush on him. Hehehe...



This is me in the middle with Kevin and Lisa, and our MamMa. I don't remember for sure when this was taken. Somewhere between third and fifth grade, I'm sure. MamMa was always really sweet to us too. Miss her...



This is on my grandparents' back porch. My Pa-Pa always had his feet propped up on that table... unless the table was holding a tray of coffee cups. That's Kevin and Lisa and, yes, a goat. How awesome is that. ..



This is my friend Kellie Johnson. She was my best friend in middle school. I don't think I've talked to her since middle school! It would be amazing to see all these random people again. Good times, good times. Anyway, this picture was taken on a trip to Washington D.C. we took in 7th grade. That was a great time.



We passed by this really big house on Pennsylvania Avenue...



...toured Arlington National Cemetary... soldiers' graves as far as you could see in every direction... makes you stop and think, and be thankful...



Meanwhile, back at the ranch... this is my Pa-Pa's dog. His name was Boogy. He lived back there with the goats and the pond. I'm sure he felt like he was the ruler of the goat yard. heh...



And this is my family, minus me, who took the picture. My mom was just a little older in this picture than I am now. I cannot imagine having 4 kids, heh... Man. They had no idea, when they were dating as teenagers, what would come in time! Wow. Crazy stuff.



This is Jeremy. My one boyfriend, heh... I dated him in 10th grade for a few months. This picture was a bit later, though. This was on a trip our youth group took to Phoenix, AZ. Bro. Rick Bezet (our youth pastor) had called Jeremy to his room saying he needed to speak to him very urgently. Jeremy got there and Bro. Rick had a couple guys throw a bucket of water on Jeremy when he opened the door. Great times, great times. *grin*



This is my brother Matthew. He used to always let me dress him up as all kind of stuff and take pictures. This was my re-creation of "Where's Waldo?".



So many pictures... I started out looking for one in particular, and now I have come upon it. Just got a little nostalgic in my search and wanted to share a few.



Read more: http://www.myspace.com/etheridge26/blog?page=6#ixzz0x5FXhdAz