Little D and Me

Sweet thing... Little D is lying to my right on this bed. Might not sound like such a big deal, but I feel emotion over it. She came to lie there last night while I was lying in bed sniffling. In the dark, I thought it was Taz at first... but when I reached over to touch this anonymous feline friend, I discovered it was D.

She has warmed up to me a lot more just in this past week. When I first met Little D, she was very skiddish and jumpy. Now she will lie still and let me pet her as long as I am willing, and will even roll over so I can pet her tummy. Sweet lil girl... we just needed some time to learn each other.

We both had sniffly noses last night and were making the same sounds with our breathing. It was cute; made me smile. I hear her rignt now, breathing through her little stuffy nose, oblivious to the world and to Rocco's morning ruckus in the other room.

And... we have now reclaimed the top portion of this bed as a GIRLS ONLY area, ha! I don't think Taz cares a bit, though, as he is in deep slumber near the foot of the bed on Little D's side.

Love me some Little D.

Lillies and Livers

Just sitting here pondering a few things about life... how "yellow-bellied" implies that someone is a fraidy cat, but Rocco's whole underbelly is a bright yellow and he is neither fearful nor is he a feline... he's not even a chicken; he's a parrot...

I'm wondering where the term "Lilly-Livered" came from and how that particular word combination came to convey the idea implying that one lacks courage.

You know, there are two sides to every coin.

I've been reading some this morning and I love how so many authors can say so many words but leave you with the final task of assigning meaning to those words... interpreting... discovering what she was talking about in what she said but did not actually say. Encrypted, encoded, undercover conversations that are only one-quarter had... because only one of the two involved parties is talking and is only saying half of what she means.

Maybe I can learn to do that someday.

A Kitten Named Elbow

You think I'm crazy... but that's what I was thinking as I went to sleep... if I ever got a new kitten, I would name him or her Elbow. I thought it was the perfect name because it's unusual and totally not gender-specific. haha

Went for a massage last night. I had a gift card for an hour session that I got for Christmas. Because of some confusion with the scheduling, they gave me a 90 minute massage session at no extra charge. Sweet.

Before the massage, I treated myself to Greek and Lebanese food. Chicken Shwarma... mmmm... mighta spelled that incorrectly but you know the dish. If you don't, you need to try it.

Got home, fell asleep on the couch watching Comedy Central and went to the bedroom finally around 2:30 a.m. I could not get back to sleep until 4:30... and then Mr. Rocco decided it was up-and-at-'em time around 6:30 this morning. I finally got up around 7. I told him I was going to cook Rocco Shwarma and serve him with hummus and rice. He was not impressed.

Stayed up awhile, talked to Carrie on the phone, fuddlemucked around and finally fell back asleep... don't know exactly what time that happened... but it was a good and restful sleep. My computer was in the living room... maybe Rocco thought to Google "Shwarma" and, upon learning its definition, thought it best he let me sleep a few hours, heh...

Crazy dreams in the interim... toward the end of my sleep, I dreamed my sister wanted to buy a small house in Texas. There was some sort of urgency going on with my family... some sort of crisis atmosphere... anyway she would not tell me WHY she wanted to buy in Texas or who she was planning to bring there with her... possibly my brother and his kids?? So I agreed to help her look and stumbled upon a title company I used to work for. We went in there to see if they knew of any small homes for sale... my sister would not give any details of what she wanted... number of rooms, size of the carport, nothing at all... she was just like, "I don't care. I don't CARE! I just want a house."

Leaving the title company, I saw a sign hanging in the hallway that said, "This month's special: 4 closings in 8 hours!"

I asked the escrow officer, "Are you serious? You're only going to do 4 closings a day??" She said that was true. I was amazed, and said, "I almost want to come back and work here again if that's all you're going to insist on!" (We used to do 12+ closings a day, especially at month-end... one closer, two escrow assistants... it was crazy, and I was living with psycho bipolar then-gf who would get very angry at me when I had to work late... so pressure from both sides... it sucked, let's just say...) 4 a day sounded like heaven. I could have actually gotten all my work done under those conditions... correctly, and completely... with no carryover to the next day. Wouldn't that have been nice.

If the housing market ever picks back up, I might consider going back into escrow. There's money to be made there, but it is stressful work. Or course, money and stress seem to be inseparable in the American work world... you can have an easy job... or you can make money.

I miss Carrie. She told me yesterday there was a hangup discovered in the insurance money she's waiting on and that it will be more than two weeks now, at least, before she has the funds in-hand and is able to come home. I'm coping. Every now and then I break down and cry... usually during a phone conversation with her... but I'm not acting; I literally cannot help crying. I know she doesn't want to be up there any longer than she has to, but there's just such a feeling of unfairness I'm getting about all this. In the most simplistic thinking, it boils down to: "She loves me... then why is she not HERE??" But she can't help it any more than I can.

For awhile I was stressed over caring for all the pets, but that's no longer an issue. The pets and I have homogenized into one lil family, now that I have dethroned Rocco as the self-appointed Alpha of the group. All is well in our home... minus one hugely important factor. I'm scared we will grow apart. This is such a long, long separation. I do know that I tend to stress too much and I need to stop. What I think over and over is what will become truth to me, so I'm learning. I need to think positively and not let my mind get off into drama-land.

Money is always an issue... plus I took off a good bit this past week. My goal for next week is a full 40 hours, no ifs ands or buts. I am captaining this ship, as it stands, and I need to stand up and be a good leader.

I also need more time with human friends. This blog has also been very cathartic for me. Anyone wanna come visit for a weekend? I have a sofa... actually I have a large, very comfortable air mattress... company would be welcomed and we would go out and find so many fun things to do. It's a standing invitation.

UNTIL Carrie returns... then neither of us will be seen for at least 4 or 5 consecutive days and nights, hehehe.... though you might HEAR a few things... *GRIN* OHHHH I miss my baby!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm off to find something interesting to do on this very hot Saturday. There has to be something. Maybe I'll take Luna over to the new dog park at BR city park. Maybe I'll go over there without her first and see what's on display in the art gallery... inspiration is good for the soul.

Cha cha cha! Bonjour et au revois! Hola y hasta esta noche. Auf Wiedersehen, meine Freunde.

enough

There is enough in this world to worry about

without looking for more things to be concerned over.

There are enough problems in life

without trying to make a collection and corner the market on woes.

There is enough love in this world

to get me through.

There are enough good people out there

to not have to keep an eye out for wrongdoers.

There are plenty of liars and deceivers in this world

so there's no need to scrutinize honest people.

There is enough truth in the hearts and lives of people

to completely overshadow falsehood.

There is enough hope and healing in God

to wash away all the disappointments and abuse from the past.

There are enough opportunities for new experiences

so that we need not forever rehearse our yesterdays.

There is enough - already said, done and over with.

I will face forward and focus on the future.

Anything is Possible

I got the greatest breakthrough in my thinking this evening! I've been reading a great book a friend had recommended to me. What I "learned" was not directly written in the book; I gained the understanding while I was thinking about one of the concepts the book presented.

ANYTHING is possible. You do it by breaking it down into tiny steps; as small as you need. You pace yourself and focus only on each small step, each small piece of what you want to accomplish. Bit by bit, cumulatively, you can accomplish or overcome anything. You take the huge stuff, and make it a bunch of tiny stuff.

Things that look like mountains can be conquered one pebble at a time if necessary. I would love to earn my master's degree in social work but have always found the entire goal overwhelming. I've always thought there were just too many preliminaries to get to the point where I actually started classes or, even further out, was handed the degree. But it is not impossible! And now, having admitted that, I'm running out of excuses for not taking steps toward getting started.

I miss Carrie. I cannot bring her back instantly; I have to be patient and wait. But I can wait one day at a time, one half a day at a time, or even one hour at a time if it got that bad. That may sound a little ridiculous, but I'm just trying to make a point.

If someone were trying to break a habit... don't look at it as breaking the entire habit; look at it as, I can avoid this behavior (or whatever) for the next hour. Then take on the next hour, and so on.

I am excited and very encouraged. This opens up a wealth of opportunities; there are no more walls. My theme/key phrase lately is, "Focus on the POTENTIAL, not the limitations!" THIS concept, however, throws a whole new spin on that line of thinking.

Life is good. And it can get as much better as I want it to. SWEET.

Hard

It is hard with her gone

Hard to be alone

Hard doing this on my own

I wrote a long blog about how much I miss Carrie and how tough it has been for us both lately, but myspace had a technical error and ate it.

Que serah serah.